[原创]《过冬的蚊子》赏析

弦意

&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;《过冬的蚊子》赏析<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;----兼谈营造诗意空间的一个方法<p> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 过冬的蚊子<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;夏斌斌<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 旅馆 &nbsp;三星级<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 房间内的摆设<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 该有的都有了<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 不该有的也有了<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 比如蚊子 &nbsp;因为还是春天<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 我称它们为<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 过冬的蚊子<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 它们没有在冬天死去<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 却迫不及待地在夏天之前活动<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 它们肚饿了<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 瞧它们瘦身的模样<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 怎么没有被减肥广告策划者相中<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 整个晚上我未合眼<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 与阴险的蚊子<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 周旋 &nbsp;斗争<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 我们都是出来混饭吃的<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 我的血不能白流<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;原载《诗选刊》2003年第4期<br> &nbsp; 《过冬的蚊子》入选由中国作家协会创研部选编的《2003年中国诗歌精选》。细细读来，颇有启发。总结起来是：两个优点、一个思考。<br> &nbsp; &nbsp;首先，这首诗歌语言诙谐，文字分寸把握的较好，通俗而不粗俗，含住了。看似还需打磨的文字，其实都蕴含了构思的机智。是诗歌语言通俗化较成功的例子。<br> &nbsp; &nbsp;其次，不受拘束的文字描写了很多事物：旅馆、蚊子、季节、广告策划者、我与蚊子的周旋、我由此发出的感叹，诗意空间较大。诗行通过整体语言，营造了鲜活的诗意环境，揭示出一个深刻而具广泛意义的哲理：三星级酒店，有蚊子，经济化、商业化的浪潮席卷全国，导致了某些社会标准下降。暗喻了中国社会处在从理想型向现实型转化的一个社会重造时代。诙谐的文字，隐藏了作者希望在理想型与现实型环境中取得某种平衡的愿望。最终换来读者失声微笑。<br> &nbsp; &nbsp;这首诗歌还有两处文笔上的特点值得思考。“怎么没有被减肥广告策划者相中/整个晚上我未合眼”，读到这两行文字，就感到衔接上似乎有稍微的断裂。本来由旅馆写到蚊子，在蚊子上花了不少笔墨，忽然又转到“整个晚上我未合眼”，阅读的思路被作者打断。<br> &nbsp; &nbsp;回过头往上面的诗行去寻找起因，自然就看到“我称它们为/过冬的蚊子”，这句话可以删去，并不影响读者对这首诗歌的理解。那么，删去以后再读，整首诗歌失去了起伏，显得平白了。而且作者最重要的喻体“过冬的蚊子”，其暗藏的主题没有得到突出。<br> &nbsp; &nbsp;两处作者稍微用力转折的地方，使全诗充满了盎然生意。他从旅馆到重墨描写“过冬的蚊子”，注入自己的意蕴环境，并以此拉开、虚晃了读者的阅读思路和意境，最后稍加用力转折，发语“我们都是出来混饭吃的/我的血不能白流”，将诗歌推向了高潮和结束。<br>读这首诗歌，想起另一首05年1月2日发在中国诗歌板块的《山泉流过》：<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 山泉流过<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 李跃平<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 山泉浅浅地流过<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 冲走了往昔的败叶，四季轮回<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 如一出没有结尾的大戏<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 锣鼓还没有响，我听见<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 绿草的呼吸，月光的呻吟<p> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 妻子站在旁边，脉脉含情<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 我捏了捏去年冻僵的手<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 她直喊，痛<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;2004.12.22<br> &nbsp; &nbsp;这也是一首有匠心、文字通俗的诗歌。《山泉流过》的两节，因文字风格不同而形成了对比的效果。前一节漫游的笔墨，给结尾动心的那几个字“她直喊，痛”，铺垫的很好。这个铺垫，与上一首异曲同工之处在于：“四季轮回/如一出没有结尾的大戏/锣鼓还没有响”这一句似乎与诗意没有太大关系，却是整首诗歌暗藏的主题，妻子象浅浅流过的山泉，会默默陪伴他一生，共同去经历人生大戏的甜酸苦辣。如果删去，全诗顿显平淡。这句话同样也起到了拉开读者阅读思路和意境的作用，再辅之以第二节的转折，把诗意推向了高潮并结束。<br> &nbsp; &nbsp;也许，这是营造广阔诗意空间的一种好方法，值得借鉴的诗歌写作套路。当代诗歌流派纷呈，不少这样有价值的诗歌模式和写作技巧，值得我们学习、促其进一步发展。<br>

赵福治

提！

丁速

欣赏。

弦意

谢谢三位兄弟。问好！

白沙

好，多贴这样的赏析！

弦意

[这个贴子最后由弦意在 2005/01/24 06:24pm 第 1 次编辑]<br><br>谢沙姐。正在写，修改好了再贴上来。

白开水

分析贴切，诗的内涵、艺术手法揭露深刻。<br>欣赏了。

弦意

谢谢白老师鼓励。问好！