《熟悉的地方没有风景(No Scenery in the Familiar Place)》
我曾对住在森林公园的一对夫妻羡慕不已,因为公园里有清新的空气,有大片的杉树、竹林,有幽静的林间小道,有鸟语和花香。然而,当这对夫妻知道有人羡慕他们的住所时,却神情诧异。他们认为这儿没有多少值得观光和留恋的景致,远不如城市的丰富有趣。
原译:I have once envied a couple living in a forest near a park, for they can enjoyed the fresh air there, the extended woods of fir trees and bamboos, the tranquil paths running through, the birds chirping and the flowers giving off fragrance. But the couple was amazed and perplexed when they learned that someone else admired them only for their living place. In their eyes, there were no unique views worthy of being visited and being attached to, and the views were much less colorful and interesting compared to that of a city.
改译:I ever envied a couple living in a forest park, because there were fresh air, a wide range of firs and bamboos, peaceful tree-lined paths, birds' singing and flowers' fragrance. However, this couple had a surprised look when they knew that they were envied because of their dwelling place. They think there were not many views worth a visit and stay in their dwelling place, which was much less rich and fun than a city.
当时,我的感觉是,熟悉的地方没有风景。这对夫妇对这儿太熟悉了,花草树木,清风明月,在他们漫长的日子里,已不再有风景的含义,而是成为习以为常的东西。《幸福》杂志上的那些部长、商人及平民百姓,之所以不愿做他们现在的自己,与住在森林公园的那对夫妇一样,是对长期拥有那片风景,已经习以为常,风景已不再成为风景了。
原译:At that time, I learned a lesson: old place has no beautiful views. As that couple were too familiar with their living environment-- the trees ,the grass and the flowers,the cooling winds and the bright moon--that all these had become an ordinary part of their unvarying life rather than natural wonders.
改译:At that time, I felt there was no scenery in familiar place. The couple was too familiar with all those things, such as trees, grasses, flowers,cool breeze and bright moon, which were not views but ordinary things in their long days. like the couple living in the forest park, those ministers, businessmen and common people on the Fortune magazine are unwilling to be their current selves, just because they are accustomed to those sceneries, which are not sceneries any more in their eyes.
在人生的旅途中,最糟糕的境遇往往不是贫困,不是厄运,而是精神和心境处于一种无知无觉的疲惫状态。感动过你的一切不能再感动你,吸引过你的一切不能再吸引你,甚至激怒过你的一切也不再激怒你,这时,人就需要寻找另一片风景。
原译:During one's journey of life, the most terrible thing is neither the poverty nor the adversity, but a numb tiredness in your mind and your heart. What once moved you can no longer move you; what once attracted you no longer attract you; even what once irritated you no longer irritate you. Then, you need to go elsewhere to seek another view.
改译:What's the most awful situation on a journey of life? It's neither poverty nor doom but an insensible tired state of one's mind and heart. You need seek another piece of scenery to stay when all that moved, attracted or enraged you have no influence on you any more.
读者对原译和改译进行对比,可发现改译比原译更加简洁。在我眼里,简单或简洁意味着美。在表达同样多的信息时,越简洁越好。
因为初事翻译,我坚持直译为主,意译为辅的原则。我喜欢句对句(sentence for sentence)的处理方式,尽量不改动句式来翻译,因此,有很多朋友批评我的翻译太刻板,缺少灵活性,我承认这个缺点,但是我非得经历过这个死板的一丝不苟的阶段,才有可能朝着更高一点的目标进发。这篇文章,几乎都是句对句的直译,唯独最后一段,我没有遵循这个原则,为了追求简洁的译文,我完全打乱了原文的句式,进行了归并处理,不知效果如何,对刻板的我而言,算是一种有益的尝试吧! |