【古词英译】《柠檬酸》 词/李恩恩

无心剑

柠檬酸
Sour Lemon

李恩恩
by Li Enen

忆昔昔日新浪逢，
惊鸿掠影中，
爱煞情浓。
爱煞情浓，
欲结白首月下盟。
I still recall we once met on the Internet,
Though short flashes we could get,
We fell in such a deep love.
We fell in such a deep love,
The oath of undying love was to be set.

抛却相思心也空，
无计寻春梦，
悲喜随风。
悲喜随风，
相见只与路人同!
Our hearts are emptied as yearning thrown away,
To seek spring dreams we can find no way,
Grief and joy are gone with the wind.
Grief and joy are gone with the wind,
In reunion we are strangers with nothing to say!

译于2009年12月14日。
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参考【铁冰译本】
A Lemon So Sour                                

Words by Enen Lee

Still remember in the virtual world they once met,
Weaving with flashing fragments a sweet net
In fondness so fair and dear.
In fondness so fair and dear
An oath of life-long companion was almost set.
Unloaded from yearning, their hearts are blank again,
Seeking spring dreams of the past all in vain,
Since grief and joy both gone as wind.
Since grief and joy both gone as wind,
Nothing have they left, while two strange faces remain!

周道模

学习。

薛湃

欣赏佳译。无心君译文较贴近原文，风格更正统一些，铁冰译文比较叛逆。
不知“柠檬酸”是何意？

无心剑

原帖由 薛湃 于 2009-12-15 6:26:00 发表
欣赏佳译。无心君译文较贴近原文，风格更正统一些，铁冰译文比较叛逆。
不知“柠檬酸”是何意？

薛君，的确如此，无心译文比较正统，铁冰译文比较叛逆。由译亦可知人，无心与铁冰性格迥异，在译诗上显露无遗。
柠檬酸，好像是暗喻没到季节或不成熟的爱情是酸涩的吧！

童天鉴日

学习的一首！问好无心剑老师！

无心剑

Reflecting those days on the Internet, (recalling is better)
Both of us are chosen by Cupid,     (were)
Drowned in such a sweet love affair,  (风流韵事，语气不好)
Drowned in such a sweet love affair,
And on a perpetual company swear. (swore)
The heart feels hollow after the lovesick, (empty or blank is better)
Never the rosy dreams to seek,
Our joy and sad gone with the wind, (sadness or sorrow or grief)
Our joy and sad gone with the wind,
Our encountering seems so strange and comic. (encounter可作名词；用comic语气不好)