《相见欢》- 李煜 (C-E)

自娱自乐

相见欢
李煜
无言独上西楼，
月如钩。
寂寞梧桐深院锁清秋。
剪不断，
理还乱，
是离愁，
别是一番滋味在心头。
Rejoice at Tryst
Silent, I ascend the western tower alone,
Watching the sickle-like moon,
Parasol–trees lonesome wrapped in dreary fall in backyard.
Hacking, it refuses to break,
To rule, it is too messy,
What a grief to leave,
It is kind of unpalatable feeling in my heart.

海外逸士

you always change the exact meaning of the original even if you are able to keep it
Silent, I ascend the western tower alone (why use ascended? that's what the poet said)
the moon's sickle-like  (why put in watching?)
清秋  is not  dreary fall
unable to cut off
still messy though put in order
that's the grief  to leave
閣下英文程度已很好﹐可以譯詩﹐但考慮欠周全。注意上下語氣連貫。譯每句都要從
上面讀下來﹐不要一句句單獨譯。

自娱自乐

原帖由 海外逸士 于 2008-11-19 7:11:00 发表
you always change the exact meaning of the original even if you are able to keep it

hahaha, it is very annoying, isn't it? hahaha, well, if it were perfect, does it mean you would be out of job, hahaha, I think I am already addicted to your cudgel, which would let me cudgel my brains.

原帖由 海外逸士 于 2008-11-19 7:11:00 发表
Silent, I ascend the western tower alone (why use ascended? that's what the poet said)
the moon's sickle-like  (why put in watching?)
清秋  is not  dreary fall

Why ascended? because he has ascended, otherwise how can he see the sickle-like moon? hehehe
Why watching? yep, it is not necessary, but I sort of had an unspeakable urge pushing me to do so - crazy, isn't it? hehehe, can't help!
But I don't think it harms anything, agree? Same as mentioned above,...if he didn't watch the moon, how could he know it was a sickle-like one?
As for 清秋, your version please!

自娱自乐

原帖由 海外逸士 于 2008-11-19 7:11:00 发表
閣下英文程度已很好﹐可以譯詩﹐但考慮欠周全。注意上下語氣連貫。譯每句都要從
上面讀下來﹐不要一句句單獨譯。

Thanks very much for your advice! I will try my best!:share:

周道模

good discussion,good examples!