[原创]诗评三首

弦意

&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 无关雨水<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 苏浅<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 趴在窗子边<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 神情专注<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 看突然下起来的雨<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 我很想<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 也哭成这个样子<p> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 也有谁隔着窗子<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 看我<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 许多年后<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 他仍然记得<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 原载《星星》2003年3月号<p> &nbsp; &nbsp;这是一首抒情诗，写的是女子因恋而思的一个片断。没有原因、没有具体的事件，完全是抒发一种情绪，从而最大限度节省了诗歌的篇幅。<br> &nbsp; &nbsp;全诗只有九行两节。首节运用巧妙的比喻，写出了“我很想也哭成这个样子”，象窗外的雨水一样，象玻璃上滑落的雨水一样哭泣。要注意，她并不想哭，只是神情专注地看着窗外，是忽然来到的雨水让她有了泪意。第二节才引出了那个他，他应该也在想念着她，而且会在许多年以后还记得这个情景。这是诗的表象所要表达的意思：两个恋人正因为某种原因的分离而忧愁。<br> &nbsp; &nbsp;第二次再读一遍，似乎会体会到另一层诗意。这首诗歌表现出来的情绪并不是伤离死别，她的情绪是稳定的，本来只是因寂寞而发呆，只是因为下雨了，才会想起他。结合标题“无关雨水”，读者体会到的就不是简单的一场恋情，而是人生对寂寞旅途的一种理解和领悟。<br> &nbsp; &nbsp;这首诗短小简洁，比喻恰当，标题起到了画龙点睛的作用。<p><br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;当我有一天<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 郑玲<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 当我有一天<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 消失在你的右侧<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 不要给我盖厚土<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 还加一块石头<p> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 你不是怜悯我力气小么<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 那就薄薄地<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 盖上一撮净土吧<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 以便我被秋虫惊醒的时候<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 扶着你栽的小树走回家来<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 看看很冷的深夜<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 你是否仍将脚趾<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 露在被窝外面<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;原载《星星》2002年1期<p> &nbsp; &nbsp;读诗歌要结合作者来读，这首诗歌就是一个例子。因为作者是个女性，所以她用了男左女右的“右侧”来形容“我”和“你”的关系。又比如，这首诗两节的转接上似乎有些不连贯。但是明白了作者是个女性，女性用她自己的理解（女人的力气小）来实现这样的转接，就不会责怪作者的局限了。<br> &nbsp; &nbsp;这是一首比较成功的情诗，入选了2002年中国作家协会创研部年度精选。它的成功之处，也许就是没有一处说我爱你、你舍不得我之类的话，却让人体会到了两个恋人之间的深深依恋。<br> &nbsp; &nbsp;这种感情隐藏在第二节的文字里。“你不是怜悯我力气小么”，不仅起到承转的作用，还描写出了你对我一向的照顾，以及我对你的理解。“以便我被秋虫惊醒的时候/扶着你栽的小树走回家来”：我去了之后，你在我安寝之处栽下一棵小树如我的灵魂，我是多么不愿意长眠在秋凉的冻土下，秋虫唤醒了我，我便会扶着那棵小树回家，悄悄地探望你。“看看很冷的深夜/你是否仍将脚趾/露在被窝外面”，这句话更是丝丝入骨，将小诗的情绪推向高处：你对我呵护有加，但你一向不爱惜自己的生命；秋天的夜晚，我的灵魂还在牵挂着你，担心你的脚趾露在外面，冻坏了身体。你可以答应我吗？你要照顾好自己，不要让我再牵挂。<br> &nbsp; &nbsp;这些细致描述的想象基础，也就是作者最成功之处，是将两人的恋情放在自己死去以后这个假设情况下来叙述。细读之下，自然有深深的震撼。<p><br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 众草飞奔<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 敕勒川<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 众草飞奔<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 众草总是先于骏马<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 到达春天<p> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 骏马沿着草的方向飞奔<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 它的速度比时间更快<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 它就要从时间的断崖上<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 跌落<p> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 是一颗草，让骏马<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 失了足<br> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 原载《诗歌月刊》2002年19期<p> &nbsp; &nbsp;这是一首充满想象和哲理的短诗。诗人将春天青草的生长与骏马飞奔扯上了关系，一个超乎正常想象的比喻。<br> &nbsp; &nbsp;读这首诗的前两节，就像看到一个电影特写镜头：青草在一圈土地上泛绿，这丛绿不断地扩大，用慢镜头拍摄然后用快镜头播放这个扩展过程，就会形成众草沐浴阳光、迎风飞奔的景象。这个快镜头里，再放上骏马扬鬃跃蹄而飞奔的特写镜头，形成骏马与时间赛跑，骏马渴望春天青草的臆想：咀嚼了一个冬天干草的马群，渴望着多汁、清香的春草，它们四处追寻春草的影迹。也许这种渴望过了头，报晓春天的青草、疯长的青草还是不能满足马群的肚肠，这就形成了骏马“从时间的断崖上跌落”的结果。<br> &nbsp; &nbsp;诗的第三节，作者揭示出一个哲理：（骏马）对于某种事物（众草）的渴望，使它失去了平常的心态。这不正象人的心理一样吗？<p> &nbsp; &nbsp;（以上纯属个人观点，如有错误请包涵、指正。）<br>

白开水

黄尚宁

江鸟

弦意

普路托

泽易哲

普路托

飘飞的风儿

弦意