《陣雨》Shower

海外逸士

《陣雨》Shower
風鞭萬馬雲無勒﹐天彈銀丸雨脫弦。俄霽晴空澄似洗﹐千頃深碧湧金輪。
The wind whips myriad unbridled horses of clouds
The heaven shoots the silver pellets of raindrops
When the shower’s gone, the fine sky looks as clear as washed
The golden disk emerges from the depth of thousand acres of blue

周道模

气势恢宏！

自娱自乐

好，赞一个。
根据逸士您一贯的翻译标准，您好像没有把‘脫弦’完全地译出来。where is that 弦? :Z

自娱自乐

pellets of raindrops = 俺似乎觉得这意思又重复。why not just say rain pellets?

自娱自乐

Shoot
To discharge a missile from a weapon.
To discharge or fire; go off.

海外逸士

“弦”不能譯出來了﹐否則英文會不像詩句。所以兩面都得考慮。PELLETS  OF  RAINDROPS﹐
節奏感好。SHOOT更接近“彈射”之意。

自娱自乐

原帖由 海外逸士 于 2009-1-2 7:56:00 发表
“弦”不能譯出來了﹐否則英文會不像詩句。所以兩面都得考慮.

呵呵呵，原来你也有‘不得已的苦衷’啊！嗬嗬嗬

原帖由 海外逸士 于 2009-1-2 7:56:00 发表
PELLETS  OF  RAINDROPS﹐節奏感好。

Well, I think it depends, anyway, you should have the final say on it.

原帖由 海外逸士 于 2009-1-2 7:56:00 发表
SHOOT更接近“彈射”之意。

I have no problems whatsoever with it. Actually, I like that sentence, I do think it is absolutely terrific.

火骏

问好