【古诗英译】别董大（其一）-高适

鱼龙舞

别董大（其一）
高适
千里黄云白日曛，
北风吹雁雪纷纷。
莫愁前路无知己，
天下谁人不识君。
Farewell Poems to Dong Da (I)-稿1
Gao Shi
The sun is dimmed by yellow cloud for hundreds of miles,
North wind blows at the wild geese, and snowflake falls;
O’friend, worry not there is no bosom friend on your way,
Whoever in this world knows not your fame?

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Farewell Poems to Dong Da (I)-稿2
Gao Shi
The sun is dimmed by yellow cloud
    For thousands of miles,
The North wind blows at some wild geese
    While in profusion the snow falls;
Worry not there is no bosom friend
    On your future way,
Whoever in this world knows not your fame.

Rhapsodia

Nice one! Explicit in meaning convey with good rhythm. It would be excellent if the first three lines are shorter to match the last line of 10 syllables.

海外逸士

前三行基本達意。第一行裡﹐用THOUSANDS 更合適。第二行裡﹐說snowflakeS fall
較妥。第四行﹐原文不是問句。whoever 不一定用在疑問句裡。

自娱自乐

前三行基本達意。第一行裡﹐用THOUSANDS 更合適。第二行裡﹐說snowflakeS fall
較妥。第四行﹐原文不是問 ...[/quote]
海外逸士 发表于 2011-2-8 23:19
第四行﹐原文不是問句...
Not a question? How come it tells me it is like a rhetorical question, which is a figure of speech in the form of question posed for its persuasive effect without the expectation of a reply?

自娱自乐

Well, by comparison, I have to say I'd like your first version a lot more...hehehe

海外逸士

中文原文裡不是問句。不必用問句翻譯。不能用英文語法來解釋中文語法。

自娱自乐

对不起，我不这么认为，郑重声明我不是故意 ‘抬杠’。

Loon

别董大（其一）
高适
[/quote]
I prefer version 1, too. I think you almost nailed it except for a little tidy-up.
'yellow clouds' might be better than 'yellow cloud', IMHO.

童天鉴日

欣赏的一首，两个译本，可以看到很多内容哈：）

童天鉴日

提给楼主修改，希望见到第三版