。。

自娱自乐

。。

宛城卧龙

1 ravine—— dale
2  Sweet olive——sweet  laurel
3 the birds ——the 可以不加，
问好自娱自乐  
韵都压上了aabb
就是感觉句子有些啰嗦

自娱自乐

原帖由 卧龙先生 于 2009-2-22 14:48:00 发表
1 ravine—— dale
2  Sweet olive——sweet  laurel
3 the birds ——the 可以不加，
问好自娱自乐  
韵都压上了aabb
就是感觉句子有些啰嗦

是，可以不加。
呵呵呵，那你来个不啰嗦的，怎么样啊？:P

宛城卧龙

俺不行  古文不懂啊
只是能凑凑热闹 学学您的翻译
顶多词汇上讨论下
您的翻译意思上基本出来了
就是感觉在句子的组合上 要再精炼些 酒更好了
毕竟王维的诗歌 很精炼
翻译也精炼些 更好
您说呢？
呵呵

自娱自乐

原帖由 卧龙先生 于 2009-2-22 15:19:00 发表
俺不行  古文不懂啊
只是能凑凑热闹 学学您的翻译
顶多词汇上讨论下
您的翻译意思上基本出来了
就是感觉在句子的组合上 要再精炼些 酒更好了
毕竟王维的诗歌 很精炼
翻译也精炼些 更好
您说呢？
呵呵

这个‘人闲’和‘山空’的内涵比较深，找不到恰如其分的对应词
empty, idle, no, don't feel it is really fit...anyway, it is your turn to give it a try, for you are a professional, hehehe

宛城卧龙

自娱自乐是不是您可以针对这两句尝试下意译
把诗中意境 翻译出来
不对照直译
试一试

自娱自乐

V2.
When relaxed, I can tell the Sweet Olive falling;
the spring mountain is solitary on quiet night.
The moon rises to startle birds beyond my sight,
  between spring gullies echoes their calling.

宛城卧龙

问好自娱自乐
我帮您把标题编辑了下
主要是想在版面做一次尝试
看看这样整体上是否更美观一些

海外逸士

I agree with Mr. Dragon.  you can still make it  brief.
人闲, at leisure; 山空, just say  "empty  mountain".

自娱自乐

原帖由 海外逸士 于 2009-2-23 6:44:00 发表
I agree with Mr. Dragon.  you can still make it  brief.
人闲, at leisure; 山空, just say  "empty  mountain".

Thanks for your reply.
As I said it is his turn to make it much shorter. hehehhe
As for "at leisure" and 'empty', I have thought about them, but don't think they are exactly right either. Of course, we can employ them, another word, make do with them. hehehe, actually what I have used in my version can also be regarded as 'make do with'
at leisure - well, literally speaking, have nothing to do or have a lot of free time, but Wang wei's 人闲 carries much profound meaning that has to do with mental activity, I suppose.
Empty - well, I once read an article expressing a view that totally disagree with the use of 'empty'. Anyhow I forgot where it was. Once again Wangwei's 空 means a lot more than a word like 'empty' can exactly convey.
I know you would say it is not a translator's concern...hehehe