旧作新译 七律 咏丁香

青衫来客

She fascinates the Ice City so as to have the municipal crown
Just like purple swallows dancing in my dream lucidly shown
Fresh out of hills the blue plume resembles green lake of jasper
In the mist the scented and snowy gauze appears white feather
I dislike much neon lights at night casting her into the shadow
While she beautifies the great summer with poplar and willow
Without the hand from the east wind she makes herself comely
Her fragrant aroma filling the air would enter into every family　　
韵沁冰城第一花，
梦中紫燕舞晴遐。
蓝翎出岫碧湖玉，
白羽弥烟香雪纱。
何恨霓虹欺月桂，
还携杨柳伴年华。
东风未遇凭姿秀，
自有清馨入万家。

金沙文字

分享！
:beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: .........................................................

青衫来客

撕巴西吧

宛城卧龙

很佩服青衫
1、押韵
2、字数相对对应
这是好译文就得向这些方面发展

自娱自乐

原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-6-25 16:35:00 发表

旧作新译 七律 咏丁香
She fascinates the Ice City so as to have the municipal crown
Like purple swallows dancing in my dream she's lucidly shown
Fresh out of hills the blue plume resembles green lake of jasper,
In the mist the scented and snowy gauze appears white feather.
I resent the neon lights at night casting her into the shadow
While she beautifies the nice summer with poplar and willow
Without the aid from the east wind she makes herself comely
And her delicate fragrance would enter every house voluntarily
　　
韵沁冰城第一花，
梦中紫燕舞晴遐。
蓝翎出岫碧湖玉，
白羽弥烟香雪纱。
何恨霓虹欺月桂，
还携杨柳伴年华。
东风未遇凭姿秀，
自有清馨入万家。

不错，赞一个！
fascinate ---嗯，这个词用de 妙，加分！

青衫来客

Hey,buddy. This is not the agreement between us and you can not be a kiss-ass. I am ready to have bricks rather than carrots from you. I know who I am and your criticism would be greatly appreciated as ever. By the way, I am not used to being flattered, especially the honey words from you.

童天鉴日

good job! I like it very much! cheer!

青衫来客

My thamks.

周道模

自己作品，翻得相对自由些、愉快些，学习青衫！

青衫来客

是，所以我很少翻译别人的作品，尤其国内诗人写的有些现代新诗，真是看不懂。我翻译自己的，至少不会出现误解。谢周兄来赏！