同题翻译笔会【古诗英译】《相思》 唐·王维

无心剑

相思
   
Yearning
   
王维
   
by Wang Wei
   
红豆生南国，
春来发几枝？
愿君多采撷，
此物最相思。
   
In the southern land grow love peas,
How many twigs sprout in spring?
O friend, gather more from the trees,
They can tell my earnest yearning.

译于2007年3月22日。

【自娱自乐译本】

A red bean grows in southern land,
And many a seed sprouts in spring.
May you collect more in your hand,
For the love you pine they will bring.

In southland where grows a red bean,
No idea how many it will seed in spring?
Please keep as many as you can glean,
For the love you yean for they will bring.

【薛湃译本】

The Red Bean

The red bean grows on southern lands,
With lots of fresh sprouts in spring air.
Please pick more till full are your hands
For the longing so sweet they bear.
【普敬译本】
In the southern country grow red peas,
How many twigs have sprouted in spring?
Please pick more as you like  from the trees,
They can remind you of our nice gathering.

自娱自乐

红豆生南国，
春来发几枝？
愿君多采撷，
此物最相思。
A red bean grows in southern land,
And many a seed sprouts in spring.
May you collect more in your hand,
For the love you pine they will bring.

无心剑

欣赏自娱兄佳译。

自娱自乐

hehehe, one more version for fun...
In southland where grows a red bean,
No idea how many it will seed in spring?
Please keep as many as you can glean,
For the love you yean for they will bring.

自娱自乐

无心君，我的是受了你的启发，不然的话，呵呵呵，天晓得。。。呵呵呵
欣赏无心君地佳译。

青衫来客

我先去上班，一会儿填上一首。希望普敬、齐寒、小天也来参加，同时欢迎其他诗友支持，特别想看到还望老师的大作！

薛湃

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-11-25 6:47:00 发表
红豆生南国，
春来发几枝？
愿君多采撷，
此物最相思。
A red bean grows in southern land,
And many a seed sprouts in spring.
May you collect more in your hand,
For the love you pine they will bring.

自娱君此译颇有独到之处，尤其是A red bean grows之灵动，妙哉。

无心剑

一诗多译，同台竞技。

自娱自乐

谢谢薛湃君。

自娱自乐

原帖由 普敬天下人 于 2009-11-27 8:02:00 发表
修改稿。请教无心君，如此译，是非简洁流畅一点？
（注：第3,4句稍改）
In the southern country grow red peas,
How many twigs have sprouted in spring?
Please pick as you like from the trees,
They can remind of our best gathering.

remind sb of / about sth is a set phrase, so you have to say "remind us of our nice gathering" or sth likewise
你原来的 pick more 很好，但不太喜欢 till full. 这样好了，两句并一句。
Please pick more as you like from the trees
个人浅见