【汉英双语】《剑》诗/无心剑

无心剑

剑
   
The Sword
   
拔剑刺长天，
壮志四海飞。
闪电破黑暗，
人间闻惊雷。
   
When I thrust my sword into the sky,
My soaring aspiration spreads wide,
Like a lightning throughout the dark,
Followed by a thunder in the world.
   
译于2009年6月9日。
I thrust my sword into the sky,
Far and wide my aspirations fly.
In the dark my lightning appears,
A thunder the whole world hears.
译于2009年12月19日。
【普敬译本】
When I stab my sword into the sky,
My aspiration soars so high.      
His flare tears open the dark,
The world hears a thunder so sharp.

【自娱自乐译本】

My sword strikes the sky with a thrust,
To let my ambitions fly high and wide.
As if in the dark a lightening august,
Like a thunderclap heard worldwide.

无心剑

谢谢普敬兄参与。
When I stab my sword into the sky,
My aspiration soars so high.              （壮志冲天，译得很好）
His flare tears off the endless dark，   （tear off 改成 pierce 可能要好点）
Thundering this world with such a fright. （thunder作动词只能是不及物的）

无心剑

普敬兄，后两句译得蛮好的。
His flare tears open the endless dark, ==> His flare tears the dark open,

自娱自乐

ok, also give it a try for fun...:P
My sword strikes the sky with a thrust,
To let my ambitions fly high and wide.
As if in the dark a lightening august,
And a thunderclap heard worldwide.
I reckon 'and' might sound better than 'like' here.

无心剑

呵呵，自娱兄一来，就更热闹啦！第一行有个typo，srikes-->strikes。

自娱自乐

Thanks very much!

无心剑

自娱兄，你说得对，最后一句用"and”比用"like"要好，避免与上一句的"as if"重复。