【英汉双语】 June

Louisa · 发表于 2010-10-7 12:47:12

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-8 03:35 编辑

June
By Louisa Dai
Leaves of last purple magnolia
Fall in incessant soft rain.
Petals’ smell of white-milky gardenia.
From woman’s neckline remain
In the sulky moist air.
Over-ripened bayberries
Drop their darkening red juices.
And Lotus closes her smile in gloam.
June is lurking the flame
That audaciously burned in May.
六月
最后的紫玉兰树叶
在霏雨里落逝。
洁白的栀子花瓣，
从妇人的领口
暗香在潮闷的空气里
梅子熟透了
滴着暗红的汁。
莲花在夕暮中合上了她的笑。
六月在藏匿
五月贸然点燃的火焰。

童天鉴日 · 发表于 2010-10-7 13:57:40

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-8 03:35 编辑

用词讲究、幽雅。问好楼主。

周道模 · 发表于 2010-10-7 20:53:57

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-8 03:35 编辑

意象派诗歌。学习。问好！

Louisa · 发表于 2010-10-7 22:21:51

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-8 03:35 编辑

谈不上典雅，个人一点感觉而已。

Louisa · 发表于 2010-10-7 22:25:00

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-8 03:35 编辑

周老师怎么认为它是意象派的诗？想必您一定很了解意象派了。我写诗纯粹是一时感觉而已。

Louisa · 发表于 2010-10-7 22:29:22

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-8 03:35 编辑

最后一行“火焰”不妥。想了一下：
“五月贸然点燃的热情。”

周道模 · 发表于 2010-10-8 06:25:45

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-8 03:35 编辑

[quote]回复
周老师怎么认为它是意象派的诗？想必您一定很了解意象派了。我写诗纯粹是一时感觉而已。 ...
你不直说怎样喜欢六月，而是呈现系列丰富的意象来含蓄表达情思，有意象派诗歌的味道。学习！

自娱自乐 · 发表于 2010-10-8 07:37:12

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-8 03:35 编辑

June is lurking the flame
That audaciously burned in May.

Like your poem...thanks for sharing...
By the way
Do we say 'lurk sth' or 'sth lurk'?

Louisa · 发表于 2010-10-8 09:26:13

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-8 03:35 编辑

Thanks for your appreciation.
What you pointed out is right, I made a mistake by a word of "lurk".
I have to change it to "conceal".
In June, the boring rain had kept for over two weeks. Therefore we all expected it would be fine as May days.

Louisa · 发表于 2010-10-8 09:30:00

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-8 03:35 编辑

Thanks for your appreciation.
What you pointed out is right, I made a mistake by a word of "lurk".
I have to change it to "conceal".
In June, the boring rain had kept for over two weeks. Therefore we all expected it would be fine like May days when a brililant sun always shines on us.

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