[大师指点小弟系列】重返新大陆 - 英中文诗歌一扎

frontierpoet

New Campus I - Hillview (12/19/10)
What a magnificent view in rainy season
With holiday frenzy in sunshine state
You do not need to struggle for a parking spot
After spending 127 Hours in Century 25
I finally find disposable wine glasses at Bevmo!
Night Life II (12/16/10)
As the sky falls dark
The traffic gets worse
At the turn of green light
I notice trees turn red
Head from 880 South to 237 West
Get on 101 North
Get off Shoreline Blvd
Tonight networking at LinkedIn campus
Right opposite to Microsoft Lab
No idea what was going on at PARC auditorium last night
Expect holiday partying at SAP campus tomorrow night
New Model (12/12/10)
Totally different culture
Totally different behavior
Totally different rhythm
Totally different mentality
Totally different market
Fear uncertainty dismay
Courage confidence joy
Learning by doing
Getting thing done
Making it happen
Rebirth of Life (12/2/10)
If life can be created
What else cannot be created
If life can be redefined
What else cannot be redefined
If life can be played
What else cannot be played
Holiday Snapshot (11/28/10)
Friday was black
Saturday was cloudy
Sunday is shining
Magpies walking on the road
Sparrows resting on the sea
Eagles soaring in the sky
You cannot get every deal you want
You cannot decline every deal you hesitate
Life is too short to be false
Life is too good to be true
Highway II (11/16/10)
Being conservative
You stay in the right lane
Being liberal
You stay in the left lane
Being independent
You stay in the middle lane
Cannot be too fast
Cannot too slow
Just follow the traffic
If you do not want to be ticketed
Bay Area II (11/1/10)
Stars are shining on the hills
Gold are buried in the minds
Wind is falling from the sky
Wine is brewing in the valley
Rain is making from the ocean
Inno is singing in the engine
Four Seasons (10/25/10)
A Chilly Winter afternoon
Ridding in an old wagon
Heading towards Neuschwanstein Castle
Neighboring Lake Swan dreaming so long
A warm Spring High-noon
Walking around the crowded street
Embracing the fragrance of blooming cherry
In the heart of downtown Tokyo
A cool Summer morning
On a sunny day under blue sky
Aiming for the green afar
Seventeen Mile Drive at Pebble Beach
A silent Autumn Mid-night
Opening a bottle of fine Brandy
Ignoring the exaggerated radio gossip
On the road to the paradise of dream
Pathfinder (10/28/10)
There are mountains
There are bridges
There are highways
There are locals
There is shortest route
There is quickest route
There is cheapest route
There is safest route
You can rely on stars
You can rely on compasses
You can rely on maps
You can rely on GPS
Multiple solutions one destination
Love what you do
Do what you love
That is essence of happiness
广州印象 （12/20/10) -4
去年尚醉珠江行
今朝已忘天河影
三生有幸四海吟
一池天水化甘霖
重庆印象 (9/24/10 - 9/26/10) -3
朝天门外两江汇
大佛寺上一桥飞
山青水绿巴国旧
金碧辉煌江州新
烟雨朦胧千帆扬
灯影稀疏万马亮
二别江北不复返
再离江南何时还
武汉印象 (9/15/10 - 9/18/10) -2
黄鹤楼上仙踪逝
蛇山脚下龙气系
天上人间一线牵
帝王将相成云烟
才见越王勾践剑
又识吴王夫差矛
昨夜昭君刚出塞
今早长江已扬帆
江汉楚鄂水上情
天南地北雨中行
龟蛇合一真玄武
龙凤呈翔正宏图
一别天河不复返
再离神州何时还
南京纪行 (8/1/10) - 1
日出无锡灵山佛
月落金陵秦淮河
孝陵深处觅建文
紫金山顶笑乾坤

童天鉴日

After spending 127 Hours in Century 25

请问这句在全诗中如何理解

童天鉴日

New Model (12/12/10)
Totally different culture
Totally different behavior
Totally different rhythm
Totally different mentality
Totally different market
Fear uncertainty dismay
Courage confidence joy
Learning by doing
Getting thing done
Making it happen

看不出任何New的气象来，只是罗列了一些恒古未变的不完整的社会变化现象

童天鉴日

大量使用排比句和比喻句 固然是韵文写作和诗歌写作的方法之一 但并非其必要条件 尤其对现代诗歌而言
好的诗歌 首先应该是出于内心的自然表述 而不是出于对句子的罗列与排布
诗歌要求主题凝练 如果一首诗歌里面 添加了很多不达意的其他词 则会抵弱诗歌主题的表达 影响诗意的形成
不知英文诗歌中是否也有打油诗一说？

frontierpoet

小弟： 容大师指点你！
1. Those 2 words you have never heard of:
2. New Model means New Business Model here
3. I am not claiming my poetry is the greatest in the world, but I am sure no one else here can do better than me

落芸听雨

去年尚醉珠江行
今朝已忘天河影
三生有幸四海吟
一池天水化甘霖

梦回楼兰

看望朋友拜读学习。