【译诗点评】評孟浩然“春曉”26種英譯

海外逸士

春眠不覺曉﹐處處聞啼鳥。夜來風雨聲﹐花落知多少﹖
（翻譯原則是要簡潔確切達意﹐才是水平。別人要用8個詞翻譯的一句﹐你能用7個
詞譯出來﹐你的水平比別人高。你能用6個詞確切達意地譯出來﹐你的水平更高。別
看少一個詞﹐其難度不是多一個層次。而隨意翻譯﹐學過幾年英文的人就能做到﹐
何須由自稱是翻譯家者來做。隨意翻譯實際上是在另一種語言裡的改寫﹐不是翻譯。）
A Morning in Spring
In spring I sleep unaware morning is here;不簡潔
Ah from far and near trilling songbirds I hear.--AH多餘
In the pitter patter of wind and rain last night,--LAST NIGHT是昨夜﹐不是
一夜
How many blossoms fallen? Not few, I fear﹗後半部多餘。
(黃宏發)丙等
Spring Morn
Spring slumbers unaware of morn,句子結構有問題
All around one hears the birds' call.
Last night, the sound of wind and rain,昨夜不是一夜。結構有缺陷
How many fallen flowers accounted for?
（任治稷、余正）丙等
A Spring Morning
I awake light-hearted this morning of spring,--HIGH-LIGHTED多餘
Everywhere round me the singing of birds—句子有問題。ROUND ME多餘
But now I remember the night, the storm,
And I wonder how many blossoms were broken.--I 一詞可省
（Witter Bynner、江亢虎）丙等
Dawning in the Spring
I slept soundly in the spring,春眠。SOUNDLY多餘
Unconscious of the day dawning.不覺曉
漏譯“處處聞啼鳥”。
In the night I heard the sound of wind and rain,
I don't know how many flowers have fallen.
(張炳星)丁等
A Spring Morning
This morning of spring in bed I'm lying. “不覺”漏譯
Not woke up till I hear birds crying.“處處”沒譯
After a night of wind and showers--SHOWER是否時間較短﹖
How many are the fallen flowers?
另一譯文﹕
Spring Morning
Easily overslept is spring morning!不確切
There are birds around me singing.--AROUND ME不是處處
The wind blew with a little rain last night,--昨夜不是一夜。A LITTLE RAIN﹖
And how many flowers be beaten might!
(許淵沖)丙等
Spring Morning
I wake up late after dawn in spring,“不覺”沒譯。LATE多餘
And hear birds everywhere singing;
But the noise of wind and rain worried me:--WORRIES ME多餘
How many flowers beaten last night might be!--LAST NIGHT放錯地方
另一譯文﹕
I waking up from the early spring morning,--I 後應該用WAKE
The song of the birds helps me rise.錯譯
For last night the storms meant disaster,
And how many things were lost to its wrath?是花﹐不是THINGS
(徐東逸﹐許之外孫﹐當時乃美國小學六年級學生)孩子翻譯﹐不予置評
One Morning in Spring
Late?This spring morning as I awake I know,句子有問題
All around me the birds are crying,crying.不確切
The storm last night,I sensed its fury.也不確切
How many,I wonder,are fallen,poor dear flowers? 不確切
(translator unknown)丙-
Spring Morning
I woke up when a spring morning was almost gone,錯譯。剛曉﹐不是GONE
And from all sides each bird sings a merry song.不確切
Last night the rain spattered and wind blustered;昨夜不是一夜
I wonder how many flowers have fallen down.
(陳君朴)丙-
Spring Morning
The spring morning comes before I realize“眠”沒譯
Birds are heard singing all around
Wind and rain come and go during the night
No one knows how many flowers have fallen down不簡潔
(嚴驍)丙+
Spring Morning
Asleep, senseless of spring morning,是春眠﹐不是春晨
I heard birds everywhere singing.
The stormy night made so much noise,後半不需要
How many flowers dropped, who knows?
(朱曼華)丙等
Spring dawn
Sleeping not knowing it's morning. “春”在哪裡﹖
Birds are singing here and there.
Sounds of raining and winding came, “一夜”漏譯
I wonder how many fallen flowers are there.
(translator unknown)丙等
Spring Dream
Dream in spring morning never breaks不是原文意思
but birds talk vocally around my place 不確切。VOCALLY多餘
They say the fallen flowers everywhere 錯譯
Because last night wind and rain staying late 也錯譯。句序顛倒
(Tr. by Danielbox )丁等
In spring“曉”字漏譯
One sleeps and wakes up to find it is already day, 不簡潔
Hear birds singing everywhere. 應該用HEARS﹐接上句主語ONE
Patter of rain of wind comes at night, 不能說of rain of wind
How much does the flower know to fall? 意思不對
(translator unknown)丙-
Waken on A Spring Morning 原文題中沒有WAKEN之意
I can barely wake up in spring slumber, 錯譯
As the chirping of birds is heard there and here.
Last night came a stormy rain, 昨夜不是一夜
To try to count the fallen petals would be in vain. 不確切
(translator unknown)丙-
At Dream in Spring無“夢”之意﹐沒譯“曉”
Slept so well I didn't know it was dawn 沒譯“春”
birds singing in every countyard woke me up 錯譯
the wind and rain troubled my dream last night 不確切
I think of all those petals swept to the ground 不確切
(translator unknown)丁等
Spring Morning
I slept so well, not knowing spring dawn's here, 不確切
Awakened by birds singing everywhere. 錯譯
All through last night there were strong winds and showers. 不是SHOWER
Do you know the number of fallen flowers?
(translator unknown)丙-
In drowsy spring I slept until daybreak, --DROWSY﹐SLEPT重複
When the birds cry here and there， I awake。 後半多餘
Last night l heard a sound of wind and rain。 昨夜不是一夜
How many blossoms have fallen again？原文沒AGAIN之意
(translator unknown)丙等
The Spring Dawn
Slumbering, I know not the spring dawn is peeping.不確切
But everywhere the singing birds are cheeping.重複
Last night I heard the rain dripping and the wind weeping.不確切
How many petals were now on the ground sleeping.譯過頭了
(載郭著章、傅惠生編《千家詩》英漢對照)丙等
Spring Dawn
Oversleeping in spring I missed the dawn;不覺﹖
Now everywhere the cries of birds are heard.
Tumult of wind and rain had filled the night---
How many blossoms fell during the storm?後半意思不在原文裡
(張廷琛、魏博思)丙等
At Dawn in Spring--AT多餘
Spring has risers fewer at dawn不知所云
While notes of birds are heard around.
After a stormy night, the morn
Finds fallen flowers strewn aground!不確切
(translator unknown) 丙等
Buds found shaken in Spring morning前半多餘
Day has now broken,
My dream unwoven.
But Spring is now here
And birds' cry so clear.
Had I not slept so sound
A sleep and snored,
I should have known
How it had blown
And it had poured.亂譯。不知所云
(translatorbj譯 )丁等
A Morn in Spring
It's after dawn when I awoke this morn in spring;不確切
Then everywhere around me I heard birds all sing.太嚕囌
I now recall the sound of big storm late at night;--LATE原文沒有
How many flowers would have been blown to ground in sight?--IN SIGHT多餘
(王大濂)丙等
Spring Dawn
Spring morn dawns; yet in sound sleep I'm not aware不確切
Upon waking up, I hear many a bird sing everywhere.前半不在原文裡
The wind blows and raindrops patter through the night
O, who knows how many fallen petals will be in sight!--O多餘。IN  SIGHT原
文沒有
(Tr: Yuntian)丙等
Spring Morning
Spring morning arrives unnoticed in my slumber,春眠﹐不是春晨
Till I hear birds twittering everywhere.--TILL多餘
It springs to mind a storm raged through overnight,不需前半。THROUGH多餘
Off it blew how many flowers I wonder?
(南緯28°  )  丙等
本人譯文﹕
Dawn in Spring
Sleep in spring, unaware of dawning﹔
Then hear birds everywhere sing。
As sounded the wind and rain overnight﹐
I wonder how many blossoms alight。

宛城卧龙

（翻譯原則是要簡潔確切達意﹐才是水平。別人要用8個詞翻譯的一句﹐你能用7個
詞譯出來﹐你的水平比別人高。你能用6個詞確切達意地譯出來﹐你的水平更高。別
看少一個詞﹐其難度不是多一個層次。而隨意翻譯﹐學過幾年英文的人就能做到﹐
何須由自稱是翻譯家者來做。隨意翻譯實際上是在另一種語言裡的改寫﹐不是翻譯。）
——十分认同老师观点，我发现（在我的阅读范围内）现在人很少提翻译的简洁性问题。这点十分重要。应该引起重视。

冰默樱娘

逐一分析这么多种版本！看来老师是花费了不少精力研究的。樱娘来学习！

童天鉴日

站着学习！谢谢分享经验。