【中诗英译】秋风（天汉屠夫）

Deepblue · 发表于 2011-10-22 00:39:21

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-7 19:19 编辑

秋风
我到来时，偌大个田野已空
热血的光芒已凉
一个辉煌的时代，开始西沉
我什么也没有留下
什么也没有带走
我恍如隔世的过客
匆匆走过时
池塘的额头皱了皱
墓草的长发动了动
The Autumn Wind
On my arrival, the vast field is emptied and cleaned
The burning radiance no longer hot
An era of magnificence, ready to depart from the sky
Nothing I leave behind
Or bring away with me
As if I am a passerby, on the roads of a different life
On my way leaving
The forehead of the placid pond wrinkles a bit
And the long hair of the graveyard grass waves a bit
(Revised)

卷毛俚 · 发表于 2011-10-22 09:26:13

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-7 19:19 编辑

欣赏佳作问好阁下！{:soso_e179:}

童天鉴日 · 发表于 2011-10-22 22:41:02

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-7 19:19 编辑

问好新朋友

童天鉴日 · 发表于 2011-10-22 22:42:09

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-7 19:19 编辑

欢迎加入中国诗歌翻译QQ群详见置顶资料帖

Rhapsodia · 发表于 2011-10-23 04:37:46

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-7 19:19 编辑

Nice translation. The English version leaves the same impact on my mind as the Chinese original.
Just one suggestion:
开始西沉 ready to depart from the blue sky
how about:
ready on its way to the west

Deepblue · 发表于 2011-10-23 05:47:54

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-7 19:20 编辑

Rhapsodia,
Thanks for commenting. The original does say ready to sink from the western sky. It follows that the era is the brief time period of sunset. When summer leaves, the burning hot subdues in all quarters of the sky.

童天鉴日 · 发表于 2011-10-28 09:00:10

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-7 19:20 编辑

再次欣赏问好

诗子 · 发表于 2011-10-28 09:09:36

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-7 19:20 编辑

一个辉煌的时代，开始西沉

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