网友对" 对<秋浦歌>英文译文的批评"的批评(中英文对照版)

宛城卧龙

按:英语博客网友Silent Dog对我的评论提出不同看法,
秋石仓促翻译如下:
I welcome people who want to engage in the serious discusssions regarding translation joining in.
我非常欢迎朋友讨论翻译这个严谨的话题
0) QiuPu is a place. Song also means poetry. However it means more of the &quot;singing song&quot;. So I think translate it as &quot;QiuPu Verse&quot; might be better. Otherwise use &quot;The verse of QiuPu&quot;. I don't think using &quot;at&quot; here is the best way.
&quot;秋浦&quot;是一个地方,歌也意味着诗,尽管,它的意思更多的是&quot;歌唱&quot;(吟唱).因此我认为应该把题目翻译成&quot;QiuPu Verse&quot;比较合适,或者译成&quot;The verse of QiuPu&quot;.我不认为在qiupu 前面加上at是一种好的译法.
1) Using &quot;whitening hair&quot; to descripe gray hair is less common. No one normally use the term of &quot;white hair&quot;, in English, it is gray hair. I think hoary hair used here has no problem.
用&quot;whitening hair&quot; 去描述白发是不合适的.在英语中,描述白发还没有人正式用过像&quot;white hair&quot;这样的专门表达,应该用&quot;gray hair&quot;来描述.
2) &quot;The hoary hair has ten miles long&quot; can be regarded Chinese-English. Something has a length of 10 miles, can not be described as &quot;has 10 mile long. &quot;has a length of 10 miles&quot; is better.
&quot;The hoary hair has ten miles long&quot;这样的译法,我认为是中国式的英语,应该翻译成Something has a length of 10 miles,而不能翻译成has 10 mile long.  译成&quot;has a length of 10 miles&quot; 比较好.
3) I don't think &quot;sorrows&quot; can be described in length in English. At least when not used with another word.
我不认为 &quot;sorrows&quot;一个词能表现&quot;缘愁似个长&quot;中&quot;长&quot;的含义,至少当sorrow不和另外的词汇一起使用的时候.
4) &quot;a mirror bright&quot; is an incorrect usage. &quot;a bright mirrow&quot; makes sense, but not &quot;a mirror bright&quot;.
&quot;a mirror bright&quot;是一个不准确的用法,可以翻成&quot;a bright mirror&quot; 则是比较清晰的表达,
5) I don't think &quot;autumn frost&quot; is used to describe gray hair in English. A Chinese term directly translated into English will make no sense at all.
我不认为使用 &quot;autumn frost&quot;这样的词来描述白发.一个中文词用&quot;直译&quot;的方法译成英文将失去原味.
I understand it is very, very difficult to translate a poem like this. To be honest, I could say I don't even fully understand the original poem. Anyway, I also give it a shot:
我知道翻译诗歌是件很困难的事情.我想说的是,虽然我或许还为完全理解这首诗中文的含义,但我还是尝试翻译一下.
My version:
译文如下:
The Verse of QiuPu
- Li Bai
How great, is the length of the hoary hair?
As great, is the deepness of the sorrows.
In the clear mirror, failure to comprehend.
From where do I gain the snow-white mane.

海外逸士

The Verse of Qiupu is okay.  so Song of Qiupu is ok, too, but using &quot;at&quot; here denotes Qiupu as a place. My understanding of the poem is that the poet wrote his poem at Qiupu.
I can't understand what his (3) means.
&quot;A mirror bright&quot; is also correct in poetry. That's iambic.
I don't have time to comment on his translation.

宛城卧龙

刚刚翻译完
很仓促
有错误请指正
主要供大家交流

海外逸士

用GREAT表示三千丈﹐概念太模糊。是否給個較具體而誇張的數字好﹖MANE是指頸後
的頭髮﹐不指所有的頭髮。詩人的秋霜恐怕還是指兩鬢。從意思來說﹐其他都沒問
題。

童天鉴日

学习中,并问好两位老师

安城

问好两位，学习一下，争论中出灼见

绝情宝二爷

俺这英文水平不行，看不懂啊~~555555555