[english essay] live on dreams

周道模

my first english essay, please point out any mistakes for me,thanks!
                                  Live  on  Dreams
                                                                                   By William Zhou
Dream is my sunshine, Spring rain, fresh flowers, charming singing, joyful dance and poetic wings. In my opinion,
I can’t live without dreams.
From the beginning of my life I dreamed every day, to the end of my life I will also dream every day . I dream
every night and I dream of everything . Most of my dreams are beautiful , joyful , unforgettable . One night the
sentence “cry , cry , no stars in the sky…’’ jumped out of my dream , I got up at once and wrote my first
English poem. Some of my Chinese poems came from my good dreams , too. These dreams are the poetic
Spring of my life . I often dream of  beautiful girls. In these dreams , I can sing and dance with a pretty girl and
then cuddle her , touch her and kiss her . We can spend a wonderful time together .  That’s a happy time of
my life . Who is she?  Maybe she is the goddess of my literature. She falls into my dreams from heaven and
she shows me the way to the victory in the future . So many times did I fall into difficult positions in dreams,
I always felt myself floating up and fly over the roofs of houses and escaped the troubles . These dreams are
the natural force of helping me live on .
Sometimes I even dream in the daytime . While reading in the sun by the river under the willows, I like to sing ,
dance and fly in mind. I like to write some essays ,poems and compose some  songs . I would like to give my
thanks to these daytime’s dreams , because some of my good literary works were born in these colourful dreams.
I will dream of everything in bed or in any other places day and night to the end of my life . Oh, my darling ,
the valuable dreams , you love me and I also love you forever!
                                                                         November, 20 th , 2006 , Guanghan .

童天鉴日

重新编辑了一下版面,
漫漫欣赏中
问好楼主

海外逸士

better to use "poetic wings".   
put "my" before "life".
I dream of everything.  
jumped out in my dream.  no need to use "suddenly" here because the verb "jump" suggests it.
the poetic Spring of my life.  
You mean "at last"?
a happy time of my life.   
the goddess of my literature.
victory in the future.
Ialways felt myself floating up and fly over the roofs of houses. (not every word ending in letter f has the plural form of "ves". the dictionary will show it if it has irregular plural form like hooves.)
after the phrase "While reading in the sun by the river under the willows", a personal subject must be used in the main sentence.  So you must say "I like...", not "my ideas and soul..."
compose songs, not write songs.
literary works.
will dream of everything......till the end of my life
你這篇文章應該屬于具有文學性的ESSAY﹐只因為你對ESSAY讀得太少﹐沒有顯示出足
夠的文學性。一篇好的ESSAY﹐首先要讀上去抑揚頓挫﹐要言簡意賅﹐最好用些成語
或短語。讀範文時要能辨別出好的句子﹐才能加以學習運用。舉一例說明﹕年輕時
認識一位英國留學的老先生。他要我用英文表達這一句意思“我們對他有一致的看
法”。我說了最普通的說法﹕WE  HAVE  THE  SAME  OPINION  OF  HIM。共7個WORD。
老先生說小說“傲慢與偏見”裡有這個說法﹕WE  THINK  ALIKE  OF  HIM。只有5個
WORD。言簡意賅﹐而且表達得更好。再如毛姆的OF  HUMAN  BONDAGE裡的第一句就
是﹕THE  DAY  BROKE﹐DULL  AND  GREY。簡潔漂亮。這就是我們要學的地方。如
你能再寫一篇貼上﹐我們可以進一步討論。

周道模

谢谢童天君的编辑！
遥谢海外逸士花如此多的时间和心血对拙文的修改！有先生的高水平的辅导，我就有了继续学习进步的信心。
读了一些英文原著，但未从英文写作角度专心研读经典名著，一定按先生你指的方法多下功夫，力争有所收获！

安城

互相促进，问好几位

周道模

问好安成！
你博客里有很多好诗文啊，下来慢读、学习。