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小小说《初秋》汉译

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发表于 2008-3-8 12:52:00 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-7 10:48 编辑

初秋
原作者:Langston Hughes
翻译:黄海萍

年轻的时候,她与比尔彼此相爱。无数个夜晚,他们一起散步,交谈。然而他们因为些并不重要的事情,便断绝交往。冲动之下,她嫁给一个自以为她爱的男人。比尔离开了,怀恨着女人。
昨日,走在华盛顿广场的时候,她第一次遇见相别数年的比尔。
“比尔·沃克。”她叫。
他停下脚步,第一时间没有认出她。相比之下,她显得太老。
“玛丽!你怎么在这里?”
无意识地,她扬起脸,像等待一个吻,但他把手伸了出来。她与他握了手。
“我现在住在纽约。”她说。
“哦”——他礼貌的微笑,继而稍稍皱了皱眉。
“我总在想你过得怎样,比尔。”
“我当了律师,在一家不错的公司,就在市区。”
“结婚了吗?”
“当然,有两个孩子。”
“噢。”她说。
公园里人来人往从他们身边走过,都是陌生的人。已经是下午,将近日落,有点冷。
“你丈夫怎样?”他问。
“我们有三个孩子。我在哥伦比亚一家公司做会计。”
“你看起来……(他想说老)……不错。”他说。
她明白。在华盛顿广场的树下,她发现自己拼命地回想过去。她比当年在俄亥俄州的时候要老。现在她已经不再年轻。比尔却还年轻。
“我们住在中央公园西,”她说,“有空过来坐坐。”
“当然,”他回答,“你和你丈夫一定要过来吃晚餐,随便那个晚上都行。丽奇和我都欢迎你们过来。”
广场上,树叶从树上悠悠飘落。没有风吹。秋的薄暮落下。她觉得有点难受。
“我们也是。”她回答。
“你得看看我孩子们。”他裂觜而笑。
突然整个第五大道亮起灯光,蓝色天空下亮起一连串迷蒙的光辉。
“我的公交来了。”她说。
他伸出手,说:“再见。”
“那……”她想说什么,但是车就要开了。
街道上灯光朦胧,闪烁,朦胧。她上车的时候,觉得自己难以开口,不能说出一个字。
突然她大喊一声:“再见!”但车门已经关上。
车开动。外边,人们在他们之间走过,都是陌生的人。她与比尔之间,人们走过。她已经看不见比尔。然后她想起来,她没有给比尔她家地址——或者问要他的——或者告诉他,她最小的儿子也叫比尔。



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发表于 2008-3-10 09:21:00 | 显示全部楼层

回复:小小说《初秋》汉译

问好作者,可否将原文也附上?
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-3-10 09:42:00 | 显示全部楼层

回复 2F 安城 的帖子

EARLY AUTUMN
by Langston Hughes (1902-1967)


When Bill was very young, they had been in love. Many nights they had spent walking, talking together. Then something not very important had come between them, and they didn't speak. Impulsively, she had married a man she thought she loved. Bill went away, bitter about women.

Yesterday, walking across Washington Square, she saw him for the first time in years.

“Bill Walker,” she said.

He stopped. At first he did not recognize her, to him she looked so old.

“Mary! Where did you come from?”

Unconsciously, she lifted her face as though wanting a kiss, but he held out his hand. She took it.

“I live in New York now,” she said.

“Oh” — smiling politely. Then a little frown came quickly between his eyes.

“Always wondered what happened to you, Bill.”

“I’m a lawyer. Nice firm, way downtown.”

“Married yet?”

“Sure. Two kids.”

“Oh,” she said.

A great many people went past them through the park. People they didn’t know. It was late afternoon. Nearly sunset. Cold.

“And your husband?” he asked her.

“We have three children. I work in the bursar’s office at Columbia.”

“You’re looking very . . .” (he wanted to say old) “. . . well,” he said.

She understood. Under the trees in Washington Square, she found herself desperately reaching back into the past. She had been older than he then in Ohio. Now she was not young at all. Bill was still young.

“We live on Central Park West,” she said. “Come and see us sometime.”

“Sure,” he replied. “You and your husband must have dinner with my family some night. Any night. Lucille and I’d love to have you.”

The leaves fell slowly from the trees in the Square. Fell without wind. Autumn dusk. She felt a little sick.

“We’d love it,” she answered.

“You ought to see my kids.” He grinned.

Suddenly the lights came on up the whole length of Fifth Avenue, chains of misty brilliance in the blue air.

“There’s my bus,” she said.

He held out his hand. “Good-bye.”

“When . . .” she wanted to say, but the bus was ready to pull off. The lights on the avenue blurred, twinkled, blurred. And she was afraid to open her mouth as she entered the bus. Afraid it would be impossible to utter a word. Suddenly she shrieked very loudly. “Good-bye!” But the bus door had closed. The bus started. People came between them outside, people crossing the street, people they didn’t know. Space and people. She lost sight of Bill. Then she remembered she had forgotten to give him her address — or to ask him for his — or tell him that her youngest boy was named Bill too.
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-3-10 09:46:00 | 显示全部楼层

回复:小小说《初秋》汉译

原文已附上,欢迎指点。
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发表于 2008-3-10 12:28:00 | 显示全部楼层

回复:小小说《初秋》汉译


谢谢楼主的作品 欣赏中
建议将作者简介 原发网址或报刊 一些评论等发上
这样对大家都是个学习的过程
再次问好楼主
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发表于 2008-3-10 19:03:00 | 显示全部楼层

回复:小小说《初秋》汉译

欣赏中,问好楼主
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发表于 2008-3-11 07:29:00 | 显示全部楼层

回复:小小说《初秋》汉译

第一句有問題。When Bill was very young, they had been in love.先生譯成﹕
“年輕的時候,她与比爾彼此相愛。”按中文句意思是﹕“她年輕時﹐(她)与比爾
彼此相愛。”因為前面短句的主語﹐如沒有特別提到﹐應該是主句的主語。而英文
裡的意思是﹕當比爾年輕時﹐他們彼此相愛。
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发表于 2008-3-13 14:20:00 | 显示全部楼层

回复: 小小说《初秋》汉译

原帖由 海外逸士 于 2008-3-11 7:29:00 发表
第一句有問題。When Bill was very young, they had been in love.先生譯成﹕
“年輕的時候,她与比爾彼此相愛。”按中文句意思是﹕“她年輕時﹐(她)与比爾
彼此相愛。”因為前面短句的主語﹐如沒有特別提到﹐應該是主句的主語。而英文
裡的意思是﹕當比爾年輕時﹐他們彼此相愛。


赞同
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发表于 2008-3-13 20:50:00 | 显示全部楼层

回复: 小小说《初秋》汉译

原帖由 海外逸士 于 2008-3-11 7:29:00 发表
第一句有問題。When Bill was very young, they had been in love.先生譯成﹕
“年輕的時候,她与比爾彼此相愛。”按中文句意思是﹕“她年輕時﹐(她)与比爾
彼此相愛。”因為前面短句的主語﹐如沒有特別提到﹐應該是主句的主語。而英文
裡的意思是﹕當比爾年輕時﹐他們彼此相愛。


When Bill was very young, they had been in love
赞同海外的看法
这句应该翻译成           当比尔年轻时,他们彼此相爱。
可能属于翻译时疏忽

问好海外先生  和 小说的翻译作者
握手
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发表于 2008-3-13 21:00:00 | 显示全部楼层

回复:小小说《初秋》汉译

仔细对着阅读了下第一段
个人感觉翻译的有些硬

个人浅见
不妥之处
朋友见谅
握手
问好朋友
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