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华章英韵 | 蝶恋花 ║总第3期

发表于 2019-5-3 15:29:40 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
本帖最后由 宛城卧龙 于 2019-5-3 15:38 编辑


    "Spring sees the water rising a pole deep, Fresh grass, like goslings' feathers, verdant on the breezy bar." After Grain Rain comes the gorgeous vernal scenery: the rice seedlings planted, the wheat growing ears, everything has taken on a new look. The third issue of Chinese Verse in English Rhyme presents to you the translation of Fan Chengda's "Spring Sees the Water Rising a Pole Deep — To the Tune of Die Lian Hua" by Mr. Shi Panrong,a promising young translator from Xijing University. Let’s admire the beauty of spring and taste the joy of farming together!




Spring Sees the Water Rising a Pole Deep
— To the Tune of Die Lian Hua
By FAN Chengda (The Song Dynasty)
Translated by SHI Panrong

Spring sees the water rising a pole deep,
Fresh grass, like goslings' feathers, verdant on the breezy bar;
Painted boats hesitate to forward leap,
Pagoda by Heng Pond, then near, now far;
The World of Water cold, late crops to reap,
From north to south, after Grain Rain, plowed fields to keep;
Eared wheat grows near hills, mulberry leaves cheap,
New flour to taste and new cocoons to heap.

The Translator's Remarks
  意象是诗歌的灵魂,英译要精准,需要炼字选词,否则原诗的微妙之处难于传达。前五行含有五个可以呼应的意象:“水”“岸”“湾”“塘”“江”,英译进行了语词对应,但其中的“湾”与上文“夷犹”的含义合并,译成“hesitate to leap forward”,译出神态,有点拟人的味道。时间词“春”“谷雨”均直译,后者异化处理,带有中国文化因素。“芳草”与“鹅儿”的羽毛貌似,其新绿verdant在微风breeze中遍染水岸。

    In translating ancient Chinese poems into English, it is necessary to consider the intuitive impression of the original works, because when readers read Chinese-language shi poems and ci poems, they may get the first impression about the rhyme, rhythm and imagery. This poem (called “poem”according to modern terminology herein) in sight, at first reading, I find that there is one rhyme used from the first to the last line, all lines (temporarily divided into eight lines) containing seven characters (Chinese words), except for Line 2 and Line 6 which have 9 characters each. This poem includes an image“Grain Rain”, a solar term created by Chinese culture, which indicates a vivid farming scene. Based on poetic interpretation, it is found that this poem describes the idyllic scenery around Suzhou, a city in South China, and expresses the poet's love for nature. It is better for the English translation to reveal the happy feelings that the poet intends to imply. As is known to all, “translating poetry into poetry” is the pursuit of many translators, so they must be able to first translate the original meaning of the poem. Although it is difficult to represent the original sound due to lingual difference, the English translation of rhymed poetry should always be rendered in rhyme. One of the methods is to imitate the original by finding different English words which share one common rhyme. The /i:p/ sound is used at the end of six lines and the /a:/ sound at the end of Line 2 and Line 4, which can be understood as balance or change in rhyming scheme.
    Image is the soul of poetry. In order to be accurate in English translation, it is necessary to study words and choose words, otherwise the subtlety of the original poem is difficult to convey. The first five lines contain five images: "water", "shore", "bay", "pond" and "river", which jointly form a setting, with "water" as the core image, so the English equivalents are faithful to the original images, except for the meaning of "湾bay" that, together with the meaning of "夷犹hesitate", is translated into "hesitate to leap forward", in which personification is employed. The time images "spring" and "Grain Rain" are translated literally, the latter being alienated to convey Chinese cultural factors. The "芳草fresh grass" and the "鹅儿goslings' feathers" seem to dye the shore with their verdant or yellowish color in the spring breeze.
    Interestingly, some images, such as "依前远far when closer", "多寒mostly cold", "农事晚farming is late", "才耕plowed until now", and "桑叶贱mulberry leaves are cheap", if poorly interpreted or translated, may be represented to the effect of showing a totally opposite — derogatory — meaning, with a totally distorted poetical taste. This English translation of the poem is a prose translation at first, only revised to contain rhymes and easy noun phrases later on, so as to decrease deviation and increase sense of joy.

The Translator
       Shi Panrong (aka Joseph Spring), English teacher of Xijing University, member of Chinese Classics Bilinguals Association, member of Shaanxi Translators Association, and editor for several periodicals and journals. His publications include a poetry book, Flowing Lyricism (2004).

主办:中诗网 译诗群
总策划:周占林 宛城卧龙


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