《題別》Writing For the Parting

海外逸士 · 发表于 2008-12-5 06:52:00

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-8 04:05 编辑

《題別》Writing For the Parting
長亭折柳處﹐別淚滿金樽。千里人歸去﹐遙情寄白雲。
At the arbor where willow twigs are snapped*
The parting tears fill the golden cup
As you go back a thousand miles away
I send my love by the white cloud as far

自娱自乐 · 发表于 2008-12-5 09:53:00

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-8 04:05 编辑

Good on you, yishi!
yishi, is 'snapped' a word loaded with hidden meaning?
By the way, is 'twig' necessary here?
Why not rhyme it, yishi?

海外逸士 · 发表于 2008-12-5 22:45:00

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-8 04:06 编辑

前人譯“柳條”都用TWIG一詞。SNAP有折斷之意。所以折柳就用這兩個詞來譯。
現在譯本人詩作都不押韻﹐達意為主。

自娱自乐 · 发表于 2008-12-7 07:16:00

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-8 04:06 编辑

snapped*---why did you put an asterisk there?
As for 'willow twig', I know it, but what I meant to say was if it is okay without that 'twig' in your poem.
現在譯本人詩作都不押韻﹐達意為主。----- Yes, I see what you mean. A very good point indeed.

周道模 · 发表于 2008-12-16 21:26:00

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-8 04:06 编辑

“别泪满金樽”是否译成状态好些？
The golden cups are full of the parting tears.

海外逸士 · 发表于 2008-12-17 07:00:00

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-8 04:06 编辑

either way is ok. I just follow chinese word order.

自娱自乐 · 发表于 2008-12-17 07:19:00

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-8 04:06 编辑

Personally, I feel "fill the golden cup' is better though.
here 别泪满金樽满 is a verb anyway.
My two cents only

自娱自乐 · 发表于 2008-12-17 07:22:00

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-8 04:06 编辑

我认为动态更感人。。。

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