[汉英微型诗] 内 衣 Underwear

周道模

周 道 模
拉开春天的门帘
听花开的声音……
Underwear
by Willian Zhou
Draw the curtains of Spring aside
Listen to the flowers blooming...

自娱自乐

不太懂，呵呵呵，描述内裤？Well, an English reader might associate it with sex after reading it,  I reckon.
个人陋见，贻笑大方。

自娱自乐

听花开的声音 ----又是现代流行的‘通感’？

周道模

至于是“内裤”、“乳罩”还是其它，读者去想。
这是读非马的《内衣》诗联想出来的。

自娱自乐

周先生是英文专业出生，一定知道'deflower'是什么意思吧？
Underwear
Draw the curtains of Spring
Listen to the unfolding flower...
curtains = underwear? spring = (of course) a young person (must be a girl here)
draw the curtain = take her underwear off?
unfolding flower... ---- if it was linked with sex, well, 'flower' here might be likened to a female sex organ.
Once again, 个人陋见，贻笑大方。

自娱自乐

Well, how about 'listen to the flower unfolding'? sounds better, Mr. Zhou?
spring ---> unfolding = sort of rhyme with each other, though it is not really desirable.
BTW, 看了俺乱七八糟写的那些帖子，周先生，您没有生气吧？
难道图中的人就是‘菲马’？

自娱自乐

呵呵呵，这才是非马先生。

海外逸士

首先﹐新詩現在寫得太亂七八糟了。有的簡直違反語言規範。建議最好不要學寫這些
詩。除了趕時髦﹐沒有學問上的收益。Sorry it you feel what I said here is offensive to you.  I only want people benefited by any exervises.
Now for your translation:
better say: draw aside
you can say unfold a banner, or a banner unfold, not a flower unfold.  a flower blooming or blossoming or blowing
I can't really have a reasonable connection between the underwear and the curtain and flower.  

周道模

谢谢海外先生对拙诗英语的修改。
诗歌涉性，自古有之，只要不直接，而是激人想象，比较美，好也。
此诗的缺点是想得美离题远了些。看非马的：
赤裸的
最后一道防线
撤啦……

自娱自乐

原帖由 周道模 于 2008-12-16 21:16:00 发表
诗歌涉性，自古有之，只要不直接，而是激人想象，比较美，好也。

这么看来我对此诗的理解是对的？请周先生指教。