汉诗英译形式杂谈

方壶斋

汉诗英译形式杂谈

方壶斋


中国古诗，有的直接翻译成英文，毫无诗趣。李白静夜思是也。其实静夜思到现在我也看不出有什么好。怎样才能翻译成有点意思的英诗，也只能从形式上下手了。要有韵，要符合英诗的惯常写法。英诗里很多立意无关宏旨的诗，玩的就是形式。

中文汉字丰富，同音字多，押韵不同字，在写诗上是个优势。英文不行。你用rhymezone.com 查查同韵的英文词，可用者不多。而如果靠构词部件押韵，则失之单调乏味，如用-tion,-ment。所以英诗很难一韵到底。换韵较多是正常的。为什么史诗多用双行体，就是因为可以用换韵保证叙事，否则累死了。

中国古诗，一行一句。翻成英文也照样，不免单调，虽然是便捷的方针。英诗一句跨行，只保证每行的音节数目和节奏，以及韵，不在乎非要一行完成一个句子。这 也是英语有很多多音节词造成的。汉诗以字为单位表意，一字一意，这和汉语的字本位性质是一致的。英文构句还要借助虚词彰显结构，所谓形合语言是也。叠床架 屋，自然难以对付汉诗的简洁明快。亦步亦趋地翻译汉诗成英文，难免臃肿。但是很少见到不这样翻译的。这方面应该探索一下。怎么做？就是要把汉诗的意思了然于胸之后，用自己的话，当然是英文，以英文诗的形式表述出来，不要顾忌原诗的句子。比如毛泽东的《长征》可以这样翻译

How can mountains and rivers
Deter red army soldiers
When they are strong willed to hike
Endless miles north to fight
Under their journey-worn feet
Wumeng turns into mud ball
Nor are they themselves to cheat
Five Ranges do become streams small
Fearsome is the Jinsha River
Splashing on both rocky banks
The bridge changes in gunfire quiver
But gunfire stops no brave soldier
Happy we are when we reunite
Our forces of three routes
Beyond the snow mountains white
After sliding down in shouts
这里，连意象都换了。云崖暖翻译成warm cloudy cliff, 恐怕老外要觉得费解。

中文动词没有时态变化，英文有。翻译时时态的表达也是个要注意的问题。上边的诗可以用过去式，但是为了一个韵，我干脆都不用了。

关于韵的问题。要求汉诗英译押韵，增加了翻译难度。是否非要押韵，有不同看法。毕竟现代诗很多已经不押韵了。我个人的 困惑是，诗不押韵，凭什么还保持诗的资格，肯定有别的因素，否则读者早就不干了。这个问题我没有搞懂。很多现代诗，在我看来就是散文的分行。那么按照字数 分一下好了。在纽约客杂志上看到厄普代克的一首现代诗《来到纽约》Coming Into New York, 就让我有散文分行的感觉。每行基本上十个音节。

After Providence, Connecticut，
the green defiant landscape, unrelieved
except by ordered cities, smart and smug,
in spirit villages, too full of life
to be so called, too small to seem sincere.
And then like Death it comes upon us:
the plain of steaming trash, the tinge of brown
that colors now the trees and grass as though
exposed to rays sent from the core of heat—
these are the signs we see in retrospect.
But we look up amazed and wonder that
the green is gone out of our window, that
horizon on all sides is segmented
into so many tiny lines that we
mistake it for the profile of a wooded
hill against the sky, or that as far
as mind can go are buildings, paving, streets.
The tall ones rise into the mist like gods
serene and watchful, yet we fear, for we
have witnessed from this train the struggle to
complexity: the leaf has turned to stone.

这首诗串起来就是个四个长句的段落。

After Providence, Connecticut, the green defiant landscape, unrelieved except by ordered cities, smart and smug, in spirit villages, too full of life to be so called, too small to seem sincere. And then like Death it comes upon us: the plain of steaming trash, the tinge of brown that colors now the trees and grass as though exposed to rays sent from the core of heat— these are the signs we see in retrospect. But we look up amazed and wonder that the green is gone out of our window, that horizon on all sides is segmented into so many tiny lines that we mistake it for the profile of a wooded hill against the sky, or that as far as mind can go are buildings, paving, streets. The tall ones rise into the mist like gods serene and watchful, yet we fear, for we have witnessed from this train the struggle to complexity: the leaf has turned to stone.

我实在看不出诗的元素在哪里，除了每行大致相同的音节，可能就是他描写旅途所见的方式了。如果用这样的形式翻译汉诗，真是容易的多：

The Red Army is not afraid of the
Difficulties of long march
Mountains and rivers' though numerous
Are nothing but insignificant things
The five ranges of mountains appear
As small as streamlets under their feet
Humongous as the Wumeng Mountains are
It is nothing but small balls of mud
Then they come to the Goldensand River
Whose waters splash on the two rocky banks
Cold and aloof is the iron chain bridge
Guarding the only pass to the other side
They take the bridge with bravery
Then scale the huge mountain, snow covered
Happy they are after surmounting those
When branches of troops rejoin their forces

如果要仿照厄普代克的写法，用长句跨三四行，则要费点心思：

The Red Army，fearing not the hardship
of long march and despising numerous mountains
and rivers, treat the Five Ranges as little streams
and the huge Wumeng Mountain as mud balls.
Then at the splashing Goldensand River,
its banks vague in misty fog, they storm the
sole bridge, iron chains only, braving gunfire.
Mountains of snow then they scale successively
and rejoined forces beyond in great glee


翻译是必要之恶。通过翻译介绍原作，只能让读者了解内容。语言的形式技巧全都没了，因为根 本就是换了媒体。所以在汉诗的英文翻译中寻找汉诗的韵味，必定是徒劳的。何况韵味是一种建立在原文语言形式上的一种读者的主观感受，这就加倍了翻译之失。 一个是语言之失，一个是读者感受之失。这在诗歌翻译中是最为明显的，所以才有诗歌不可译之说。如果想让外国人了解汉诗的写作技巧，最好的是逐字翻译加注 释，这就等于是讲课了。如果制作出一种可以称之为诗的英文产品，必然要对原文有所增减。如果还想押韵，增减的幅度更大。传统上汉诗的翻译， 在句式上基本采取遵从原文的方法，连外国人翻译也如此。后来有庞德的实验，用解字的方式翻译。那他也是为了表达自己的独特理解，不适合一般的使用。

我自己也偶尔翻译一点诗作为消遣。我的做法，一是尽可能押韵，二是模仿英语诗歌，争取产品如果让不懂汉语的老外看来，还算是诗，三是意译优先于直译，特别在遇到直译过来对老外来说根本 不知所云的那些比喻和意象的时候，采取变通的方法。有的时候，基本上是改写了。到了改写的份上，争论就大了。那只能是个人自娱自乐。比如如果把李杜的诗都 用十四行诗来翻述，然后交给老外看。老外据此写评论李杜，会出现怎样的混乱？

我以前还说过，翻译的目的是什么？翻译界反复争论翻译方法，在我看来纯粹是一个双语人圈子在玩沙龙，跟更多的读者无关，因为那些读者无从判断。越是对语言形式依赖大的东西的翻译，讨论越是没有解。

我译诗不看前人的翻译，以免受影响，但是我发现即使看了也无所谓，顶多词语选择上有所参考，但是诗句的翻译，则按自己喜欢的路子。注释更无所谓，因为中文的注释很多。

看英文的晚唐诗选(Poems of the Late T'ang (Unesco Collection of Representative Works :, Chinese Series) )，对那些翻译也不是很满意。都是不押韵的。又不押韵，又拘泥于原诗的句子走向，结果就更无味了。汉诗仰仗韵律平仄太多。很多用白话写出也是无味的，所以如果翻译上不用点传统诗歌的手段就不好了。比如李白的静夜思

Before my bed the bright moon light,
I mistook for the frost on the ground.
I looked up to gaze at the moon.
I looked down to think of my home.

如果改造一下，至少有点音乐感：

Before my bed the bright moon light,
I mistook it for the frost white.
Looking up I saw a moon bright.
Looking down I yearn for my home’s sight.

进一步改造：

I woke up to see much frost on the ground
Here and there, all my bed around
A closer look however
Revealed it was none other
Than the light from the moon
High up there at night's noon
Full and round, hanging on the dome
Evoking my thoughts of my far away home.

不押韵当然好翻。还是尽可能押韵好。再好的则是在音步扬抑上也讲究。这点我做不到。我只能凭语感。这个恐怕要多读过去的英诗慢慢习得。英诗多读，也有不会写诗也会诌的效果。

李世纯译作

问好 方 兄：



您之杂谈式疑问，世纪之前
老外诗圣已有 结 论——



By measure. ''It was 'word and note,     / '4.  ''5  
哦，有量，有度，或是信息量跟标识度，
The wind the wind had meant to be –
看：可谓相隔时空一点点儿，这风，那风，
A little through the lips and throat.
都经咽喉到唇间，喏：可那风意在图歌声，
The aim was song – the wind could see.
这风意在求见证——歌声宗旨，意向之见证 ... ...  / 6




愚以为：
罗伯特言之有理——
天下诗歌：旨在言情论理
远非抑扬顿挫，音步韵律 ... ...