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新诗在线 第60期 |我穿梭在城市与村庄,挖掘词汇的块状根 | 问剑 作 李正栓 译

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发表于 2024-10-3 19:45:10 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
本帖最后由 雨夜人鱼 于 2024-10-3 19:57 编辑

我穿梭在城市与村庄,挖掘词汇的块状根

文/问剑(杨卫东)
译 / 李正栓

1
我用次中音萨克斯
把月亮吹瘦,又用目光洗净
树上的金子

土豆,红薯,山药
蚂蚁般的车辆,钢铁和水泥穿上
过冬的衣服。这些都是
我深埋地下的词汇

我从棺材铺旁走过。那个老木匠
在为自己打造棺材,他的秃顶
像这片荒芜的原野
我穿梭在城市与村庄,挖掘词汇的块状根

2
为了救赎,秋天带上毛笔和经文
山坡上的羊群啃着
稀松的枯草和阳光。我想说出的话
像鱼在嘴唇游动。我说
重新出发,剪断我村庄的脐带

我看见街边两个女孩
她们的红裙子在风中摇曳
夜从四方逼近广场。石头坐在那
比石头还冷

3
我在20世纪80年代的门前歇息
门前树上的鸟窝,像一团牛粪冒着热气
像我恓惶的童年。我从城市来

我寻找到了水源。西北口的民风淳朴
像歌声中铺陈的部分。我知道
我不大喜欢高潮。正如这个世界

不喜欢诗人和他们的追随者

4
我又在生命里加了点盐,在泡菜罐中
加了点糖,在书架上安放了一册书
狗眼中柔软的部分

像人类的黎明。露水把她的爪子打湿
乌鸫的叫声顺着阳光的梯子
爬下来。它们一直爬到灶台的灰尘上

5
我下钩,钓起的都是陈旧深水处
对于浅水中的事物
我知道的太多,也等同于
一无所知。鸡的叫声

从村东头传过来,太阳在桑树巅上
停留片刻。剃头匠松柏
两个女儿不断给他寄钱,这些年从来没回来过
他边数钞票边剥花生下酒。年
在门框的红对联中荡秋千

6
我要说到我的城市。高冷的天空下
是低矮的行人。我总是把自己
摆在环卫工人的位置。月亮起了

月亮又落了,那天光
像是一道巨大的伤口。邻居车书记
每天早起送孙子上学,他想培养孙子
成为接班人。我从小就学会那首歌

我沦落成一个诗人

7
我陪秋天
秋草陪着我
我们与落叶交谈
时代从身旁倏忽而过
我们没有去追赶

屋顶在远处
夕阳在天边(此处有抄袭洛尔迦
的嫌疑。洛尔迦说:船在海上
马在山中)

8
扯皮的渡船泊在岸边
化工厂给他每年补贴五万。那些工人
都是我的乡邻,搭乘最后一班船回家
憨子是其中一个
他的女儿在民办学校教书(去年,即2023
年刚考上编制。孩子们说:上岸)

那些呼进肺里的毒气
在路上也就吐出多半。他们已经
涉过这条河,家里的灯
等着

9
我挂在银杏树上
握紧冰冷的风。屋椽有宣统年间
的雨声,我是一个落荒的秀才
多想成为举子
不想装孙子。道路在左边
我在右边摇摆

10
三元在海船上帮工
买菜做饭兼做零活。他说
工资全额寄回家,平时买菜拿点回扣
攒了点私房钱
这也不够每天注射胰岛素的费用
海风把他50岁的容颜
吹成60岁的笑脸

我们停留在16岁的夜晚
那时月亮多圆呀,邻居家的甘蔗田里
有两双布鞋的脚印

11
冬天的网从树梢上撒下来
太阳比往年更红。我在谋生的路上走着
路过的陌生人和我一样孤单

我回头望见空空的城,那些房屋
已经赶不上我空空的车
一座钟楼在寒冷中举着时间的手指

我被现实按进去
我被诗意挤出来

12
姐夫的坟上已长出荒草
他是方圆几个村有名的屠夫
我学车的师傅,做人的师傅
他能把清淡的生活过得油水十足

他把破旧的院庭
过成热闹的街,我和他喝酒
总能喝出诗句

我最近几次去看我姐
小虎嗅嗅我,像是向我打听
它的主人去了哪里

13
冬天即将来临。我把骨头
藏在皮肉中,把皮肉藏在棉袄中
把棉袄藏在时光中,把时光
藏在肤浅的水中。那些水

曾经沧海,它们洞悉了一切
因此看山还是山
没有因为修辞而改变流动
没有因为阻隔而破碎。它们总是
绕道而行。冬天即将来临

那些凝固的冰,有人说那是水的
骨头,冰层下涌动的暗流
才是河的真相

14
我从侧门经过一棵榆树
向西走就到了小爱的家。那棵榆树
后来为姐出嫁打了嫁奁。整个童年就是
一盏油灯,把乡村的夜
烧个大窟窿。我们灰头土脸
从黎明钻出来。那时

贫穷而又富有。像王

15
三个老太太每天坐在黄昏的梧桐下
现在只剩下一个。她们相约
清晨谁先起床就去叫醒另外两个

那年我在她们的牌桌上放了六百块钱
有两位到死都记得,有一位现在还记得。她是我邻居大妈

小时候我伤风感冒
她给我拔过火罐
还给我在水缸喊回丢了的魂

16
村庄更空了。只装得下狗叫声
果树们总是回忆枝头挂满果实的时候

秋风四处游荡,找不到它牵过的手
村东的柿子树上几颗柿子
像母亲在蓝布衫上钉的红纽扣

母亲的坟头上长满了
葱兰和枯黄的鹅儿肠

2021年秋天创作
2023年10月23日改动
2024年8月14日订稿



I Shuttled Through Cities and Villages, Digging the Tuberous Root of Vocabulary
By Wen Jian (Yang Weidong)
Tr. Li Zhengshuan (李正栓 译)

1.  
I played my baritone sax
And blew the moon thin. With my eye I cleansed
The gold on the tree,

Potatoes, sweet potatoes, Chinese yams.  
Ant-like vehicles, steel and cement
Dressed up for winter; all these were
The words Ive buried deep in the ground.

As I passed by the coffin shops gloom, the old carpenter
Was building a coffin for himself. His bald head
Gleamed like barren land.
I shuttled through cities and villages, digging the tuberous root of vocabulary

2.  
For redemption, autumn appeared with brush and scriptures.  
On the hillside, sheep munched the dry,  
Withered grass and sunlight. Words I wished to utter  
Swam like fish on my lips. I said  
To start anew, to cut the umbilical cord of the village the tie.

I spotted two girls by the street side,  
Their red skirts fluttering in the wind.  
Night encroached on the squares face, where stones sat
Colder than the coldest stone.

3
I rested in front of the door of the 1980s.
The bird's nest in the tree afore the door steamed like a pile of dung,  
Like my forlorn childhood. I came from the city.  

I have found the source of water. The simplicity of the northwest  
Was like a part laid out in a song. I know  
I don't particularly enjoy climaxes, just as this world  

Dislikes poets and their followers.

4
Again, I added a bit of salt to my life, a bit of sugar to the pickle jar,  
And placed a book on the shelf,  
The soft part in the dogs eye,  

Like the dawn of humanity. Dew dampened her paws.  
The call of the blackbird climbed down the ladder of sunlight.
They climbed all the way to the dust on the stove.  

5
I cast my line, reeling up things from ancient depths.  
As for the affairs of shallow waters,  
I know too much, which was equal to  
Knowing nothing at all. The rooster's crow  

Came from the eastern edge of the village as the sun  
Paused for a moment atop the mulberry tree. The barber,  
With two daughters endlessly sending him money, has never returned
In all these years. Counting bills while peeling peanuts to drink, the year  
Swung on the red couplets of the door frame.

6
I wanted to speak of my city. Beneath the aloof sky  
Were the lowly pedestrians. I always placed myself  
In the position of the sanitation worker. The moon rises,  

The moon falls again; that daylight  
Is like a massive wound. The neighbor, Secretary Che,  
Rises early each day to send his grandson to school, hoping to raise him  
To be his successor. I learned that song from childhood,  
I have fallen to become a poet.

7
I accompanied autumn.
The autumn grass accompanied me.  
We conversed with fallen leaves.  
Time rushed past us
But we did not chase after it.  

The rooftop was distant.
The setting sun was at the horizon. (This part shows a suspicion of plagiarism from Lorca;  
Lorca said: the boat is on the sea;
The horse is in the mountains).  

8
The bickering ferryboat docked on the shore.
The chemical factory subsidized it fifty thousand Yuan each year. Those workers  
Were my neighbors, taking the last boat home.  
Hanzi is one of them;  
His daughter taught in a private school (last year, in 2023,  
She just passed the exam for a formal position. The children say: weve landed).  

The toxins breathed into their lungs  
That were mostly expelled on the road. They have already  
Crossed this river; the lights at home  
Waited for them.  

9
I hang from the ginkgo tree,
Clenching the cold wind. The sound of rain from the  
Xuantong era resonates; I am a destitute scholar,  
Longing to become a more successful scholar,  
Not wanting to act like a low person. The road was on the left
And I swayed on the right.  

10
Sanyuan helped out on a fishing boat,  
Buying groceries, cooking and doing odd jobs. He said  
He sent his entire salary home, sometimes took a kickback  
When buying groceries, saving up a bit of pocket money.  
But this was not enough for his daily insulin shots.  

The sea breeze has weathered his 50-year-old face  
Into a 60-year-old smile.  

We lingered in a 16-year-old night;  
How round the moon was then! In the neighbor's sugarcane field,  
There were footprints of two pairs of cloth shoes.  

11
The winter net fell from the treetops.
The sun was redder than in previous years. I walked along the path of making a living.  
Strangers I passed by were just as lonely as I was.  

I turned back to see the vacant town; those houses  
Could not keep up with my empty cart.  
A clock tower held up its finger in the cold.  

I was pushed into reality.
I was squeezed out of poetry.  

12
Weeds have grown on my brother-in-law's grave;  
He was a renowned butcher in several nearby villages,  
My driving teacher, my life mentor;  
He could turn the blandest life into one rich with flavor.  

He transformed the worn courtyard  
Into a bustling street; when I drank with him,  
Verses would always emerge.  

Recently, I went to see my sister a few times.
The dog named Xiaohu sniffed at me, as if inquiring
Where its owner had gone.

13
Winter was approaching. I hid the bones  
Inside the flesh, the flesh within the cotton coat.
The coat was hidden within time, and time was hidden
In shallow waters. Those waters,  

Once a vast ocean, perceived everything.
Thus a mountain remained to be a mountain,  
Unchanged by rhetoric,  
Not shattered by obstructions; they always  
Took the long way around. Winter was coming.  

The solidified ice, some say, was the bone of the water.  
The currents swirling beneath the ice  
Revealed the river's truth.  

14
I passed by an elm tree through the side gate,  
Walking west to Xiao Ai's home. That elm  
Eventually provided a dowry for my sisters wedding. My entire childhood was  
An oil lamp, creating a big hole
In the village night. Sooty and dusty,
We emerged from dawn, Back then,  

I was poor yet rich, like a king.  

15
Three old women sat beneath the plane tree at dusk every day;  
Now only one is still alive. They had agreed that  
Whoever rises first in the morning wakes the other two.  

That year, I placed six hundred Yuan on their card table;  
Two of them remembered until death, one still remembers. She is my neighbor.  

When I had a cold as a child,  
She cupped my back for me,  
And even called back the soul I lost in the water tank.  

16
The village has grown more vacant now. It can only hold the sound of barking dogs.  
The fruit trees always recall the times their branches hung heavy with fruit.  

The autumn wind wanders everywhere, unable to find the hands it once held.  
On the persimmon tree in the east end of the village, several persimmons  
Are like the red buttons sewn on my mothers blue shirt.  

My mothers grave is overgrown  
With swamp lilies and withered water hemlock.  

Written in the autumn of 2021  
Revised on October 23, 2023
Final copy on August 14, 2024

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发表于 2024-10-4 14:41:25 | 显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 李世纯译作 于 2024-10-5 11:01 编辑

大家同好
共享探讨:


16   (中文部分)

村庄更空了。得下狗叫声      
果树们总是回忆枝头挂满果实的时候

(中文逻辑貌似不通;修正色用字为:
  删除蓝色用字,或可矫正



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发表于 2024-10-4 15:12:37 | 显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 李世纯译作 于 2024-10-7 14:39 编辑

16  (英文部分)

The village has grown more vacant now. It can only hold the sound of barking dogs.  

(1. 本句中色词义为:空虚/空旷/茫茫/未被占用/准无地上物/无需征地补偿/非废弃的
   本句中选用该词,或有悖原作本意?)

The fruit trees always recall the times their branches hung heavy with fruit.

( 2. 本句中色字确切/侧重/精准词义为:后果/苦果/恶果之结果,非微观具体狭义之果实
   而属宏观抽象广义引申通感迁移,修辞用语

       参考示例:汉语译外语时,外语单词错选错用,其后果是:把老外造蒙圈

      来源语比较:果树们总是回忆枝头挂满后果的时候。
     目标语比较: 汉语译外语时,外语单词错选错用,其果实是:总把老外造蒙圈


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 楼主| 发表于 2024-10-21 10:50:35 | 显示全部楼层
李世纯译作 发表于 2024-10-4 15:12
16  (英文部分)
The village has grown more vacant now. It can only hold the sound of barking dogs.  ...

非常感谢您的关注,我将建议转发作者和译者。非常感谢!
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发表于 2024-10-21 18:37:39 | 显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 李世纯译作 于 2024-11-20 16:22 编辑
雨夜人鱼 发表于 2024-10-21 10:50
非常感谢您的关注,我将建议转发作者和译者。非常感谢!


探讨而已

客气不必




---------------------------------

The best way out is always through.-Robert Frost

一些书

一些树木


《树木的声音》原文与译文


卡瓦菲斯(C.P. Cavafy, 1863-1933),希腊现代诗人,生于埃及亚历山大,少年时代曾在英国待过七年,后来除若干次出国旅行和治病外,他都生活在亚历山大。

     卡瓦菲斯是希腊最重要的现代诗人,也是二十世纪最伟大的诗人之一,其诗风简约,集客观性、戏剧性和教谕性于一身。奥登、蒙塔莱、塞弗里斯、埃利蒂斯、米沃什和布罗茨基等众多现代诗人,都对他推崇备至。





●竭尽所能






A Rondel of Merciless Beauty  

ne










英 诗《 A Rondel of Merciless Beauty 》汉 译《 酷 美 十 三 行 》

        杰弗雷·乔叟(Geoffrey Chaucer,1343-1400),他是哲学家、炼金术士、天文学家,翻译家,被称为英国文学之父,是首位葬在西敏寺大教堂“诗人之角”(Poet of Westminster Abbey)的诗人。乔叟出生于伦敦一个富裕的商人家庭,受过大学教育,熟悉法语和意大利语,后进入宫廷,常出访欧洲,在意大利接触到了但丁等人的作品,这影响了他后来的文学创作。他开辟了英国文学的新时代,特别是为伊丽莎白时代英语文学的全面繁荣奠定了基础,莎士比亚等后来者是乔叟时代的探索与创新的最大受益者。他饮誉世界的杰作是小说集《坎特伯雷故事集》。在同时代的主要英国文学家中,乔叟受外来影响无疑最为广泛,但从英国文学发展史的角度来看,他又最具有"英国性",被尊为"英国诗歌之父"。他语言准确,文笔清晰,高瞻远瞩,为英国带来光明,为不懂法文的人们开辟了一个文学大花园。




一.  原        文 / '解       '读  /  中    译    文   



二.   译      注 / 译   后   感



1.     首先,特别鸣谢:本作主要参考文献 a  本作主要参考文献 b 本作主要参考文献  c  本作主要参考文献 d  本作主要参考文献 e  本作主要参考文献  f

1'     看似郁郁隐衷,已让诗人五迷三道,乱了阵脚,无奈奋笔疾书,以求宣泄;诗人整篇修辞移就,语感愚钝呆萌,执拗直白,略约动粗,诙谐,读过不难记起汉语那句:吵吵闹闹是真爱,不打不闹是祸害

2.     此处词义:喻体,本体:非正室者

2'.     此处词义:同文本各人称/物主/指示代词,属泛指(非特指,单复数皆可)

3.      此处词义:势态/氛围/气场/氛/势

4.     此处词义:指代:talks of going(10-1.2.3)

'4.     喻体,本体:被想入非非者

5.     翻译至少该是工笔,不是写意,更不是素描,同时,翻译应该不是演义,不是改写,更不是所谓“再创造”;翻译应是:始终、一切,以原文做规范、做楷模,做样板、做靶标,不褒不贬、不偏不倚、精准到位,再塑造、再铸造,无毛刺、无砂眼、无装饰,无添加,多维、模拟、仿真,再现原文主题内涵、主题表现艺术(修辞)、主题外延张力最大化;中外互译,的确也像解读所谓哈姆雷特,不可主观随意:参考信息可有百个、千个,而最终采信、确认、依据信息只有一个——那个唯一原始文本,那个唯一真实哈姆雷特;中外互译,不是中外演绎、中外戏说;中外互译须恪守忠信、顺达、雅合三者一损俱损,一荣俱荣,无分主次,相对独立,互为鼎力,不容短板;在理解原作阶段,恪守不符原作语种语法不采信,不符原作语种语法、目标语言再达、再雅不采纳;在译成目标语种阶段,则不拘泥目标语种语法;翻译永远是请示,不是诠释,永远为作者、读者、自己,在人格、才识、品位三项负全责;中外互译,归根结底,人文互译;古今中外,所有词典,辞书,仅用于说明解释、学习研究人类语言,不汇集收录、制约规划人类语言,他们只是语言小岛,不是语言大海;一个单词、一个文字,无论中外,其真正含义、生命活力,不仅在专家学者辞书、词典、时尚强大线上机翻,不仅在词法、句法、语法,更多体现在实地、实践、第一时间、第一地点中语言、语句、语境、篇章字里行间;中外互译,该是笔者言者原始文本语本互译,无需只字主观臆想推断,客观好恶期盼,传闻轶事,沉浸植入,装裱配饰,;翻译要完美原意,须同观原作视野,置身原作境地,更须力避因文本喻体修辞,混淆纯本体用语,而费解、误解、曲解、直至抹杀殆尽原作基本诗意,甚至作者初衷本意;翻译要完美原意,更要完美传递,原意传递要完美,其载体修辞,修辞差异切换、对接,不可或缺

8.     自古诗无达诂寓意绝非唯心玄称诗难尽解,该是《诗经》尚未尽人尽解,相对当今中外互译,其广义引申该是天下诗作该更深入精准解读、表达之警示,之激励;如同《静夜思/七步诗/哈姆雷特》等等文学作品各自主题,世上不会可有一千个,本小诗同样,其主题仅有一个;本作译文尚有无奈数笔,期待更多诗友译友,为宣誓全世界,昭告天下人,中国翻译,中国汉语,无出其右,深入探讨,积极参与




1. 《The Sound of the Trees》原文
I wonder about the trees.
嗯——为啥为啥,总想知道,
Why do we wish to bear
尝受尝受,总想尝受,
Forever the noise of these
哦——那些,那些树的鼓噪,
More than another noise
喏:胜过这些树的喧嚣?
So close to our dwelling place?
这些树啊,唉——咫尺,咫尺,
We suffer them by the day
她们近在咫尺,唉——呦,
Till we lose all measure of pace,
作你作你,唉——她们整天作你,
And fixity in our joys,
你方寸全无,她乐此不疲,
And acquire a listening air.
你没着没落儿,她津津乐道;
They are that that talks of going
走——走,她们口口声声扬言走,
But never gets away;
哼哼——从来没见走;
And that talks no less for knowing,
走——走,她们口口声声那个走,喏:
As it grows wiser and older,
是在跟你挑明喽:我才不走呢,
That now it means to stay.
当娃子,当我弱智娃子哪;
My feet tug at the floor
唉——地板地板,我跺地板,
And my head sways to my shoulder
耸肩耸肩,唉——我摇头带耸肩——
Sometimes when I watch trees sway,
遥望啊,穿门透窗我遥望啊——那些树,
From the window or the door.
摇摇曳曳那些树,啊——枝干招展;
I shall set forth for somewhere,
走,我走,真想立马开拔去那头儿;
I shall make the reckless choice
哼,吓唬我,要是喧喧嚣嚣这些树,
Some day when they are in voice
渣渣哄哄还吓我,哼,哼哼——                       
And tossing so as to scare
吓唬他们顶头上司白云朵,
The white clouds over them on.
走,我走,二话没有,说走就走,
I shall have less to say,
我拔腿就走,爱咋咋地,
But I shall be gone.
哼哼,爱咋咋地呦—— ... ...



2. 《树木的声音》译文(粗译)
我想知道这些树。
我们为什么要忍受
永远的这些噪音
不仅仅是另一个噪音
离我们的住所这么近?
我们一天天忍受着它们
直到我们失去所有的步伐,
以及我们快乐中的固定性,
并获得倾听的空气。
他们就是那个谈论去的人
但永远不会逃脱;
这不少是为了知道,
随着它变得越来越聪明和老,
现在这意味着要留下来。
我的脚在地板上拉扯
我的头摇到肩膀上
有时当我看着树木在曳时,
从窗户或门。
我会出发去某个地方,
我会做出鲁莽的选择
有一天,当他们发声时
折来吓唬人
白云笼罩着他们。
我少说点,
但是我会离开的。














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