【古诗英译】沈园其一（宋）陸游

童天鉴日

    允许竞争。只是现在唐婉在海老手中...

无心剑

沈园（一）

Shen Garden (I)

陆游

by Lu You

城上斜阳画角哀，
沈园非复旧池台。
伤心桥下春波绿，
曾是惊鸿照影来。

Painted horns on the town are wailing under the setting sun;
The garden with changed ponds and pavilions isn't the old one.
I'm heart-broken to see the spring water under the bridge flow;
The green ripples once mirrored her slim and graceful shadow.

译于2010年10月5日。

Louisa

Shen Garden (1)
by Lu You of Song Dynasty
先生您翻得很简洁流畅，只是我有些疑问要提：
With the sunlight on the town walls, the horn sounds sad; （ 没有译出“斜阳”之意？我一直以为斜阳是夕阳）
The pond and pavilions in Shen Garden are not the old ones.
Heartbroken for spring waves under the bridge still green, （“heartbroken" 的主体是谁？）
Which once reflected her stunning shadow in the water. （这个定语从句修饰的是哪个名词？）

以下是我的拙作，请审阅：
Shen Garden (I)
By Lu You

Horn tones gloom in the sunset thro’ the town.
Shen Garden isn’t the old one with pavilion and pond.
Beneath the sad bridge spring water runs green
Where her startled image once was reflected.

Louisa

沈园（一）

Shen Garden (I)

陆游

by Lu You

城上斜阳画角哀，
沈园非复旧池台。
伤心桥下春波绿，
曾 ...
无心剑 发表于 2010-10-5 09:41

欣赏译作！
最后一行中"slim and graceful  shadow" 指 "惊鸿之影"?
我想“惊鸿”之影应是邂逅一瞥的吃惊之态。