【古文英译】（宋）范仲淹《岳陽樓記》海外逸士英译

Rhapsodia

“所以還是討論RRHAPSODIA的修改文﹕by sages OF Tang Dynasty﹐用OF表示所屬關
係較好。In the spring of the fourth year of Qingli﹐更貼近原文。況且1044
可放在註解裡。Yueyang Tower renovation 改成 renovation OF Yueyang Tower﹐
較好。名詞性定語太長不妥。
原文意思基本表達完整。尚可簡潔﹐如﹕abandoned or suspended﹐用一個即可。”
感谢逸士老师的指导！特别是“所属关系”和名词性定语过长的问题。
关于1044 这个年代，我是考虑到英文读者的习惯和方便，减少注释，特意加上的。“庆历四年”作为同位语，不加以强调，想老外不会感兴趣我们的年号。我觉得注释越少越好，能在正文里解决的，又不影响阅读和理解的时候，尽量不用注释。注释属不得已而为之吧。
修改后：
In the spring of 1044, the fourth year of Qingli①,TENG Zijing, was demoted and assigned as the prefect of Baling Shire②. A year later, the government ran well and people were joint and supportive. Thus all abandoned projects were being resumed. Upon that, the renovation of Yueyang Tower began. New structures were added to what had existed and verses of sages from Tang Dynasty and current writers were inscribed. I was committed to write an essay for recording sake.

自娱自乐

was demoted and assigned as the prefect of Baling Shire②.
demoted to be the prefect of blah...blah...--------> no good?

自娱自乐

demoted to + n， 我感觉是 demoted to prefect. 比如：They demoted the careless waiter to busboy
Sorry, my bad again, you are right, it should be 'demoted to a prefect of..."

海外逸士

原文的精華處是從“然則北通巫峽，南極瀟湘，”到“然則何時而樂耶？”大家試試
這一段。
大家對我從網上復下來的兩篇譯文有什麼評論﹖