Well, regardless of whether 'shed' is fit or not in your version, 'shed' doesn't rhyme with 'budded', yet, if you would use '-ing' form, well, then it is an entirely different story.
shed, bed, spread, shred, sped, led,.....
原帖由 嘉木子 于 2009-6-21 1:16:00 发表
this moment 用得更简练
i fall in love with you—我爱上你 那是没问题的 不过读起来总感觉句子过长
这里可否用虚拟语句
天空的宝石 是多个意象的组合 云彩般绚丽、天空蔚蓝般美丽而纯洁的爱情
in the azure sky the cloud still elegant。。。?
暂时不改动先 等讨论完
Well, I know you try to employ similie, so you can use either like or as, but if you use 'as', you might have to say 'the sky is still as elegant / brilliant as a diamond / jewel', however, in this way, the downside is that it is too long, so how about using 'like' ?
改一字 ---- The sky like a jewel / gem / diamond is still elegant. (Well, I'd prefer 'brilliant' instead)
Garmo has been working hard all the time and I do appreciate his translation. It is not easy to do the translation which is good enough for a student on campus.
原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-6-21 13:03:00 发表
Garmo has been working hard all the time and I do appreciate his translation. It is not easy to do the translation which is good enough for a student on campus.
[quote] 原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-6-21 6:26:00 发表
[quote] 原帖由 嘉木子 于 2009-6-21 1:16:00 发表
Well, I know you try to employ similie, so you can use either like or as, but if you use 'as', you might have to say 'the sky is still as elegant / brilliant as a diamond / jewel', however, in this way, the downside is that it is too long, so how about using 'like' ?
改一字 ---- The sky like a jewel / gem / diamond is still elegant. (Well, I'd prefer 'brilliant' instead)
自娱君说的是 产生歧义这一层我没考虑到
用brilliant比用elegant要好多 意境更加美好
对于那个“爱上你”用哪个 经过我的思考 同样“i love you”也同样会产生歧义的
一般情况下，不会翻译成“我爱上你”那就变成了“假如这一刻我爱你”感觉上就差远了没让人感好像是“除了这一刻，其余的你都不爱了啦！”
外国习惯上都用fall in love with you 或者be crazy about
不知英文诗的其他部分还有什么不足的呢 问好自娱君
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发表于 2009-6-21 01:41:00
发表于 2009-6-21 20:28:00