中诗翻译版重点讨论作品：舒婷<神女峰> 无城浪子 译

无城浪子

ok， I think I got your meaning。 when earth stands for whole planet， the “the”should be omitted。

青衫来客

have left----have dispersed?
turn to----turn into。Turn into means 变成。
Along the river coast---river bank，sea coast
billowing cloud----clouds
Is inciting a new betrayal, incite might not be a proper word to be used here, the usage is incite somebody to do sth. Stir up is the right choice if I were you.

青衫来客

That's a paradise on earth.
那是人间天堂。

无城浪子

原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-6-24 23:18:00 发表
have left----have dispersed?
turn to----turn into。Turn into means 变成。
Along the river coast---river bank，sea coast
billowing cloud----clouds
Is inciting a new betrayal, incite might not be a prop

thanks for coming and your points， for the second to fourth points I will follow your suggestions，all are mistakes。For the first point， I think left can show the action and compared with the “still”。

童天鉴日

继续加油

无城浪子

参考青衫的评点已把错误更正，以免重复评点。等待更多砖头

自娱自乐

原帖由 无城浪子 于 2009-6-24 15:59:00 发表

为眺望远天的杳鹤
错过无数次春江月明


For overlooking the disapearred crane in the sky
Numerous spring river and bright moon passes by

这个‘overlook' 有得商榷

自娱自乐

原帖由 无城浪子 于 2009-6-24 15:59:00 发表

美丽的梦流下美丽的忧伤
人间天上，代代相传
但是，心
真能变成石头吗

From beautiful dream，the beautiful grief flows down
On earth and in Heaven it spreads on
But，can the heart
Turn into a stone？

这个‘the' 可商榷。whose heart? which heart?
'spread'? how about 'carry on'?

无城浪子

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-6-27 18:39:00 发表
[quote] 原帖由 无城浪子 于 2009-6-24 15:59:00 发表

美丽的梦流下美丽的忧伤
人间天上，代代相传
但是，心
真能变成石头吗

From beautiful dream，the beautiful grief flows down
On earth and in Heaven it [color=m

spread 我也感觉不大妥，但也不想用carry。这里有流传之意，待议。
此处the我有意没有特指，原文也是在上下文中包含所指，也可以理解成泛指。

青衫来客

Up for more reading.