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自娱自乐

原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-7-3 12:10:00 发表
                                        The slanting sun lingers on the willow when I lean against the window
      Into the Songhua River thrown is my mind without  reason beining known
            Who's sure  the green river knowingly keeps me in mind forever
          The lonely cloud still remains hollow when flying a pair of swallow

[font=Tim

一三行达意，可以不押韵，只押二四行即可。
第二行翻得有点别扭，可再斟酌。
孤云无语燕飞双 ------ 无语 = remains hollow?
没看懂，太深奥了。。。:P

自娱自乐

原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-7-3 12:10:00 发表
  
My ambition would live with the dynamic crane to wing high  
                        
寄志蓝天鹤翅开。
[font=Tim

wing high --- well, not bad at all, usually I would say 'soar high' 学了，谢谢！
live with = share sth (a house / room) with or to tolerate / put up with
Why 'dynamic' ? ----似乎诗（意）味不浓了。maybe just "crane'?
how about  'join'? or simply 'would be like crane to wing high'?  

自娱自乐

原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-7-3 12:10:00 发表
                                                   The clear river is as spacious as my eyesight that can search
                        
[font=Tim

Well, do you think it makes sense?
Do we say eyesight is 'spacious'?
so spacious as to let my eyesight search / allow eyesight to search?
As for 'search' 再斟酌。

周道模

beining?    being?

swallow?      swallows?

青衫来客

A pair of swallows

青衫来客

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-7-10 13:15:00 发表
[quote] 原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-7-3 12:10:00 发表
                                        The slanting sun lingers on the willow when I lean a

Hollow also means inactive.

青衫来客

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-7-10 13:43:00 发表
[quote] 原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-7-3 12:10:00 发表
                                                   The clear river is as spacious as

How about " My ambition would go with the spirited crane to wing high" and "The clear river can be as spacious as my eyesight being able to stretch(or touch)"

自娱自乐

hollow 这个词意用在这儿似乎不太好，有损诗意。

孤云无语燕飞双

如果要表示云儿孤僻，不合群的话，是否可用 'aloof' 呢？

自娱自乐

Yes, spirited is miles better.

自娱自乐

well. grammatically, just say 'the clear river is as ....as my eyesight can reach / stretch' no need to have 'being able to'
why not simply say 'as big as"? no good?