《虞美人》（译/ 晓荷残梦）

晓荷残梦 · 发表于 2009-7-20 10:57:00

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-7 22:16 编辑

《虞美人》（原著：李煜）译/ 晓荷残梦
春花秋月何时了，往事知多少。小楼昨夜又东风，故国不堪回首月明中。
雕阑玉砌应犹在，只是朱颜改。问君能有几多愁，恰似一江春水向东流。
“Beauty Yu”
----A Chinese poetry style

By Li yu (South Tang Dynasty)

When will the spring flowers wither and the Autumn moon stop shining light ?
How much is the past memory still all right?
The east wind blew through the small tower last night,
It’s too grievous to recall the former kingdom in the moonlight.
Carved railing and jade steps are still on their site.
Nevertheless the red cheek has changed its color and not bright.
when asked how much sorrow is inside,
You feel it’s like the spring water flowing to the east side.

自娱自乐 · 发表于 2009-7-20 14:52:00

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-7 22:16 编辑

原帖由 晓荷残梦 于 2009-7-20 10:57:00 发表
Nevertheless the red cheek has changed its color and not bright.
[color=ind

Well done! I have never ever got any guts to render this one, for it is way beyond my ken.
How about '.....changed, and no longer bright'?

自娱自乐 · 发表于 2009-7-20 14:58:00

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-7 22:16 编辑

midnight - moonlight - site- bright
wow, beautifully done! Good on you! :strong:
Does 'set' rhyme with 'past'?:Q
If asked how much sorrow is inside,
I tell you it’s like the spring water flowing to the east side.
inside of what?
hehehe, nice job!

自娱自乐 · 发表于 2009-7-20 18:09:00

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-7 22:16 编辑

read it again,
why last midnight, not simply last night? Any difference?

晓荷残梦 · 发表于 2009-7-20 19:23:00

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-7 22:16 编辑

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-7-20 14:52:00 发表
[quote] 原帖由 晓荷残梦 于 2009-7-20 10:57:00 发表
Nevertheless the red cheek has changed its color and not ......

一为山河不再，容颜已改，光彩不再，二为押韵。不知可否？

晓荷残梦 · 发表于 2009-7-20 19:26:00

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-7 22:16 编辑

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-7-20 14:58:00 发表
midnight - moonlight - site- bright
wow, beautifully done! Good on you! :strong:
Does 'set' rhyme with 'past'?:Q
If asked how much sorrow is inside,
I tell you it’s like the spring wat

sorrow 自然是人的内心感情，inside one's mind。past确实失韵了，容再斟酌。谢<img src=" alt="" />

晓荷残梦 · 发表于 2009-7-20 19:28:00

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-7 22:16 编辑

:strong:

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-7-20 18:09:00 发表
read it again,
why last midnight, not simply last night? Any difference?

Night is better。:strong: Wait for my correction。

自娱自乐 · 发表于 2009-7-20 19:53:00

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-7 22:16 编辑

When will the spring flowers wither and the moon of fall stop shining light ?
How much is the memory of the past in mind?
hehehe
light doesn't rhyme with mind either, I am afraid, heehehe
when the autumn moon be blind, heheheh, just kidding

晓荷残梦 · 发表于 2009-7-20 20:00:00

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-7 22:16 编辑

haha, maybe we focus too much on rhyme. '
Personally,I thought it not necessary to make every sentence cater for rhyme.

晓荷残梦 · 发表于 2009-7-20 20:11:00

本帖最后由雨荷风于 2015-10-7 22:16 编辑

Is that OK now?

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《虞美人》（译/ 晓荷残梦）

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