一种声音 A Voice （文&译 晓荷残梦）

晓荷残梦

A Voice

（By Donnyhe晓荷残梦）

Flying across the ears was a voice,
Softly calling,
Like from the distance,
Seemingly making a promise
To sail in the homing light boats.
That piece of sunshine，
Accumulated power for a long time
To spurt out in a flash.
Tenderly I whispered,
“Here I am coming
With the gorgeous clouds,
As bohemian as in the old days!”

A voice,
And the familiar long-parting faces
Dated in the lonely paradise.
When the blossoms came in the warm spring,
The hearts were off the sea,
And the Summer followed the steps。
Do you remember,
That smiling face
Glittering like the flowers?


一种声音
A Voice

(文&译 晓荷残梦)


耳边飘过一种 声音
Flying across the ears was a voice,
轻轻呼唤
Softly calling,
仿佛来自远方
Like from the distance,
隐隐的邀约唱晚
Seemingly making a promise,
轻舟归航
To sail in the homing light boats.
那抹霞光
That piece of sunshine
积蓄了许久的力量
Accumulated power for a long time
喷薄只在一瞬间
To spurt out in a flash.
轻轻说一声
Tenderly I whispered,
我来了
“Here I am coming
带着天边的云霞
With the gorgeous clouds,
还有不羁的 旧模样
As bohemian as in the old days.!”
一种声音
A voice,
久违了的容颜
And the familiar long-parting faces
相约寂寞的天堂
Dated in the lonely paradise.
春暖，花开
When the blossoms came in the warm spring,
心，离开了大海
The hearts were off the sea,
夏天接着踏步而来
And the summer followed the steps
忘了么
Do you remember,
那张笑脸
That smiling face
花一般的灿烂
Glittering like the flowers?

童天鉴日

一种声音，一份心情！问好楼主！

天路客

欣赏 双语诗 不容易啊
最后一句Glitter换成flame如何:)

晓荷残梦

原帖由 天路客 于 2009-8-11 1:08:00 发表
欣赏 双语诗 不容易啊
最后一句Glitter换成flame如何:)

谢谢天路客版过目点评。敝以为，flame直译，glitter意译，那张笑脸，金子般闪耀，吸引。不知可否？

天路客

笑脸绽放
如花如火
动词没有必须用哪个的:D
另外，我更多的是从韵律角度去考虑的:)

天路客

When the blossoms came in the warm spring,
为了对应中文的简洁
后一个the省掉是不是更好呢

天路客

那抹霞光
That piece of sunshine
what about
那抹霞光
That ray of rosy sunshine

晓荷残梦

天路版所言有理！我可能更多从写此汉诗的最初构思考虑了。还望多指教，感谢并握！:share:

晓荷残梦

原帖由 天路客 于 2009-8-11 1:38:00 发表
那抹霞光
That piece of sunshine
what about
那抹霞光
That ray of rosy sunshine

此句译文更具乐感韵律，极好！

周道模

学习。
Seemingly making a promise.  “ make”作为“允诺”来讲不是延续性动词，个人觉得不适合用作分词。