To My Back Garden

青衫来客

There are still some grammatical mistakes and you have  to work harder.

自娱自乐

声明：那是俺从网上找来。

自娱自乐

To mantle the remote corner of world,is unknow,

Those scent oppressing this burdened garden now.

it should be 'unknown'
unknown doesn't rhyme with now

自娱自乐

...

青衫来客

I feel delighted when seeing you appear
Even though you look like a bear
The place is quite far
while you  drive a car
Oh, you are a friend dear

自娱自乐

hehehe,

Oh, dear, hahaha

嘉木子

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-8-19 9:39:00 发表
To mantle the remote corner of world,is unknow,

Those scent oppressing this burdened garden now.

it should be 'unknown'
unknown doesn't rhyme with now

what about using "that" instead of  comma？
or
To mantle the remote corner of world,is unknown,

Now those scent oppressing this burdened garden.
or
To mantle the remote corner of world,is unknown,

Now the burdened garden those scent oppressing