同题诗翻译《如梦令》（李清照）

海外逸士

如梦令

李清照


常记溪亭日暮。
沉醉不知歸路。兴尽晚回舟。
誤入藕花深處。爭渡。争渡。
惊起一滩鸥鹭.


【海外逸士译本】
Often remember the arbor by the creek at dusk;
Heavily drunk, I don’t know which way to return.
When I go back in a boat at night, having fully enjoyed,
My boat is misled into the depth of lotus flowers.
Striving to go forth, striving to go forth,
Groups of gulls and egrets on the shore are startled.


【自娱自乐译本】

V1
Seldom forget the pavilion by the streamlet at twilight,
So intoxicated that I don't remember my way home.
Having fully enjoyed myself, I return in a boat at night,
Into the crowd of lotus flowers my boat seems to roam.
Pushing to move on and on, and pushing to move o'er,
Which startles the bevies of gulls and egrets on the shore
V2.
Seldom forget the pavilion by the streamlet at twilight,
So intoxicated that we don't remember our way home.
Having fully enjoyed ourselves, we return in boats at night,
Into the dense crowd of lotus flowers our boats roam.
Pushing to move on and on, and pushing to move o'er,
Which startles the bevies of gulls and egrets on the shore

梓煜

Heavily drunk
很重很重的醉呀

梓煜

很喜欢

自娱自乐

When I go back in a boat at night, having fully enjoyed,
逸士，这个'when'是否可以去了？

自娱自乐

Enjoy yishi's masterpiece, and I also give it a try for fun...
Seldom forget the pavilion by the streamlet at twilight,
So intoxicated that I don't remember my way home.

Having fully enjoyed myself, I return in a boat at night,
Into the crowd of lotus flowers my boat seems to roam.
Pushing to move on and on, and pushing to move o'er,
Which startles the bevies of gulls and egrets on the shore

自娱自乐

V2.
Seldom forget the pavilion by the streamlet at twilight,
So intoxicated that we don't remember our way home.
Having fully enjoyed ourselves, we return in boats at night,
Into the dense crowd of lotus flowers our boats roam.
Pushing to move on and on, and pushing to move o'er,
Which startles the bevies of gulls and egrets on the shore

天路客

Pushing to move on and on, and PUSING to move o'er,
Which startles the BEVYS of gulls and egrets on the shore
dear sir, gotcha, aha!

天路客

Pushing to move on and on, and pusing to move o'er
IMO, it is unnecessary to add the latter half sentence. en?

天路客

anyhow, you two did do a good job, ha!

自娱自乐

原帖由 天路客 于 2009-9-27 14:42:00 发表
Pushing to move on and on, and PUSING to move o'er,
Which startles the BEVYS of gulls and egrets on the shore
dear sir, gotcha, aha!

hehehe, you have to know I am not a paragon, so what? hehehe
which leaves some room for you to come up with a perfect one, sir!
hahahaha