无心剑英译【你无法熄灭铁的光芒_陈先发】

无心剑

你无法熄灭铁的光芒
You Cannot Quench Iron's Brilliance
陈先发（1987年）
Written by Chen Xianfa in 1987
你无法熄灭铁的光芒
无法剥夺
也无法弯曲它的方向
铁带着你渴望的温度，停在那里
和我的懦弱遥遥相对
you cannot quench iron's brilliance
nor take away
or even just bend its direction
it stays there with your desiring temperature
in the face of my cowardice at a distance
在诚实岁月中那是一块铁
我无法获得它的力量
天空下秋高气爽
我们的心中烈焰腾腾
但那依旧是一块铁，冷冷地生存着
in honest years that is a piece of iron
but I cannot acquire its strength
in the clear autumn under the sky
our hearts burn with blazing flames
but that is still a piece of iron with coldness
铁呀铁
我无法熄灭你的光芒
你也无法忘掉我往日的爱情
my iron, O, my iron
I cannot quench your brilliance
but you also cannot forget my past love
译于2009年6月10日。

自娱自乐

提醒无心君，这儿你恐怕很难保持你的‘集’，除非你是版主，否者的话，一过三月帖子就会被封掉。

无心剑

谢谢兄台提醒。到时候封掉也没有关系，只要其间有同好的交流就行。

天路客

娱老丝什么意思？好像版主也没有这个特权吧，这是论坛的guiding。hehe

天路客

用心欣赏了无心先生的大作
相当不错:Z
这里有点建议供您参考呵呵
天空下秋高气爽
in the clear autumn under the sky
考虑到clear是用来修饰sky的
in the clear sky in autumn相比如何？
但那依旧是一块铁，冷冷地生存着
it is still a block of iron, being there cold

童天鉴日

问好无心剑老师@

无心剑

原帖由 天路客 于 2009-10-10 19:36:00 发表
用心欣赏了无心先生的大作
相当不错:Z
这里有点建议供您参考呵呵
天空下秋高气爽
in the clear autumn under the sky
考虑到clear是用来修饰sky的
in the clear sky in autumn相比如何？
但那依旧是一块......

很高兴看到朋友的建议。
这个论坛讨论学习的气氛很好，对译者很有益处。

自娱自乐

你无法熄灭铁的光芒 ------ you cannot quench iron's brilliance
Maybe you can consider 'put out', for it sounds more powerful than 'quench'.
You can't put (the) iron's brilliance out. the tone seems rising, whereas 'brilliance' seems falling.
My two cents only

自娱自乐

it stays there with your desiring temperature
how about ' it stays there with the temperature you desire for or with your desirable temperature'?

自娱自乐

Just say "a clear sky in autumn"?