同题翻译笔会 望天门山----李白

海外逸士

望天门山 --李白
Watching Heavenly Gate Mountain

天门中断楚江开，

碧水东流至此回。

两岸青山相对出，

孤帆一片日边来。

Heavenly Gate split open in the middle for Chu River;
The blue water flowing east will flow back from here.
The verdant mountains on either bank rise opposite;

A lonely sail comes from the side of the sun.

PS: on either bank rise opposite, ALSO TO BE: rise opposite on either bank

自娱自乐译本

The Yangtze River split Mount Tianmen down the middle,
And green water galloping east swirls here like a spindle.
The blue hills looming up on riversides stand face to face,
A single sail is now approaching from the sunrise apace.

无心剑译本

Mount Tianmen is split open by the Chu River,
Here east-flowing blue water is forced to linger.
The green hills on both banks run into my eyes,
A single sail is coming from afar in the sunrise.

青衫来客译本   

                       The Mount Tienmen has been cleaved by Yangtze River
                       The blue water eastwards reflows when arriving in here
                       Green hills on the opposite shores are towering so high
                       A lonely sail is looming from the remote side of the sky

自娱自乐

望天门山
李白
天门中断楚江开，
碧水东流至此回。
两岸青山相对出，
孤帆一片日边来。
The Yangtze River split Mount Tianmen down the middle,
And green water galloping east swirls here like a spindle.
The blue hills looming up on riversides stand face to face,
A single sail is now approaching from the sunrise apace.

无心剑

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-11-2 6:44:00 发表
望天门山
李白
天门中断楚江开，
碧水东流至此回。
两岸青山相对出，
孤帆一片日边来。
The Yangtze River split Mount Tianmen apart in the middle,
And green water galloping east swirls here like a spindle.
The blue hills loomin

自娱兄，出手不凡，欣赏了。

自娱自乐

谢谢无心君谬赞。
呵呵呵，逸士是最讲究‘诗人说什么，译者译什么。’
我的太随心所欲了。。。呵呵呵

无心剑

译诗不仅要求真，更要求美。译诗要有译者的个性，自娱兄译本有自己独特的味道，无心剑觉得蛮好。

齐寒

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-11-2 6:44:00 发表
望天门山
李白
天门中断楚江开，
碧水东流至此回。
两岸青山相对出，
孤帆一片日边来。
The Yangtze River split Mount Tianmen apart in the middle,
And green water galloping east swirls here like a spindle.
The blue hills loomin

喜欢，赞一个
相对出这个出字的诠释匠心独运

青衫来客

海外老师的英文底蕴和造诣简直是没有说的，但是诗意的产生似乎和其没有关系。诗歌的翻译怎么才是尊重作者的原意，翻译的过程当中除去了芥末的味道那还能是芥末吗？有一点我们应该十分肯定，诗歌的主要特征就是押韵，老百姓的顺口溜还讲究押韵呢。

无心剑

韵译古诗是正道。

天路客

IMO
SINGLE seems better than LONELY
and allow me to ask a question
was the usage of SPLIT correct?

自娱自乐

原帖由 天路客 于 2009-11-3 14:12:00 发表
IMO
SINGLE seems better than LONELY
and allow me to ask a question
was the usage of SPLIT correct?

v., split, split·ting, splits.
v.tr.

• To become separated into parts, especially to undergo lengthwise division.
• To become broken or ripped apart, especially from internal pressure.
• To become or admit of being divided: Let's split up into teams. This poem doesn't split up into stanzas very well.
• Informal. To become divided or part company as a result of discord or disagreement: She split with the regular party organization. They split up after a year of marriage.
• To divide or share something with others.
• Slang. To depart; leave: All the older kids have split to go dancing.