【汉英双语】《十年_致爱妻》诗/无心剑

自娱自乐

原帖由 无心剑 于 2009-12-17 10:28:00 发表
一见自娱兄佳译，忍不住重译。
Hand in hand for ten years,
With so many joys and tears.
If we can know each other,
Nothing deserves our fears!

Anyway, since you don't have to worry about rhyming, hhehee, you should say
know each other " very well" or sth, otherwise it sounds very odd.
You have been married for ten years, you don't know each other? hahaha

无心剑

自娱兄火眼金星，无心剑立马修改。

Hand in hand for ten years,
With so many joys and tears.
If two hearts melt into one,
Nothing deserves our fears!

自娱自乐

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-12-17 5:21:00 发表
十年携手过，
回首情几多。
但得两心通，
何须畏风波！


Hand in hand for a decade,
Thru thick and thin in the past.
In faith two hearts're steadfast,
So nothing would be afraid.


呵呵呵，家有贤妻，万事如意，怪不得无心君能有如此骄人的成就。

无心君，我最后一句有错。

可改为 so nothing to be afraid of / so of nothing we'd be afraid.

Revised version

Hand in hand for a decade,
Thru thick and thin in the past.
In faith two hearts're steadfast,
So of nothing we'd be afraid.

无心剑

自娱兄不断改译，体现了译诗对语法的超而不离。

自娱自乐

Hold by hand for ten years,
Love prevails over tears,
If two hearts fit perfectly,
For nothing we have fears.

自娱自乐

原帖由 无心剑 于 2009-12-18 10:01:00 发表
自娱兄不断改译，体现了译诗对语法的超而不离。

I don't think they should go against each other.

无心剑

诗歌包含了超越语法的东西，但是又不能违背语法，即所谓“超而不离”；
数学包含了超越逻辑的东西，但是又不能违背逻辑，即所谓“超而不离”。

诗歌表达的意境是诗歌的灵魂，那么语法就是诗歌的骨架。
有些人译诗无视语法，无心剑认为那些译诗是“缺骨诗”。

无心剑

原帖由 普敬天下人 于 2009-12-18 9:26:00 发表
欣赏赞叹无心君、自娱君的佳作！在下愚钝，献上拙译，敬请二位多多批评指正！

Hand in hand  for ten years ,
Thro so many joys and griefs.
If our hearts keep in harmony,
Nothing can't be surmounted.

很高兴普敬兄参与，最后两句你译出了味道。

无心剑觉得第三行的“keep”改成“stay”可能要好一点。

无心剑

哇，自娱兄，第二句译得特漂亮。

无心剑

呵呵，用“flutter in harmoy”表达比翼双飞，很美妙！