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[英诗汉译]Not Yet 还不是时候

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发表于 2010-10-29 13:23:45 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-8 00:54 编辑

Not Yet 还不是时候
My father said he'd have to cut the tree down,
It was so high and broad at the top, and it leaned
In towards the house so that in wind it brushed
The roof slates, gables and the chimney stone
Leaving its marks there as if it intended to.

父亲说他非得要把那棵树锯掉
它太高了,遮天蔽日,而且
还贴近房子,起风时刷刷蹭着
屋顶的瓦楞、山墙,和烟囱的围石
好像有意要留些岁月的擦痕

We said, don't cut it yet, because the tree was so full
Of big and little nests, of stippled fruit.
In spring and summer it spoke in a thousand voices,
The chicks upturned for love, the birds like fishes
Swimming among the boughs, and always talking.

我们说,锯树还不是时候,因为
树上有那么多大大小小的巢,还缀着那么多的果子
在春夏两季,树能说出一千种声音
雏鸟仰头呼唤着母爱,成鸟像鱼儿一般
游弋在枝杈之间,还吱吱喳喳说个不停

And then a day came when the chicks woke up.
Love was all over, they tumbled from their nests
Into the air, ricocheted from a leaf, a branch,
Almost hit the ground, then found their wings
And soared up crying, brothers, sisters, crying.

而后来有一天,雏鸟们醒来
所有的哺育都已结束,它们从巢里笨拙地钻出
落入半空,穿过叶子,在枝条间碰撞
几乎摔到地上,然后才发现了它们的翅膀
惊叫着高飞,兄弟们,姐妹们,惊叫着

Then the nests were vacant. Now we must cut the tree,
My father said. Again we begged, not yet,
Because with autumn the freckled fruit began
To turn to red, to gold, like glowing lamps
Fuelled with sweetness filtered from the soil

巢空了。现在,我们必须下手了
父亲说。我们再次乞求:还不是时候
因为随着秋天的临近,那些生着青斑的果子
也开始红了,金黄了,像闪烁的灯盏
燃烧着滤自泥土的香甜

And scent that was musk and orange, peach and rose.
And when they dropped (they grew on the topmost branches,
Could not be picked, we took when it was offered)
We wiped them clean and sliced out the darkening bruise
Where they'd bounced on the yellow lawn, by then quite hard

而那样的馨香,混合着麝草,桔,桃,和玫瑰的味道
当它们落下(它们结在最高的枝上,
够不到,我们只有在其自愿落下时才能得到)
我们把它们揩干净,切去变暗的瘀痕
那是它们落在黄草地上造成的,那时地面非常坚硬

With winter coming. The fruit were so much more than sweet,
Eve fell for such fruit and took Adam with her:
No serpent whispered, no god patrolled the garden.
Only my father. Again, not yet, we said, remembering
What winter had to do with our huge bent tree,

伴着隆冬悄然降临。果实就不仅仅是甜
夏娃也随之降落,来乞求一颗果子,当然也带着亚当
到那时,没有大蛇私密传话,没有上帝巡视花园
只有我的父亲。所以,我们说,这次仍然不行,要知道
这严冬有手段应对我们这棵已经弯了腰身的大树

Once it had got the leaves off. We knew the hoar-frost
Tracery and the three-foot icicles
And how it simply was, the December moon
Lighted upon it and hung in its arms like a child.
Not yet, we said, not yet. And my father died,

每当树叶落尽。我们就知道白霜已降
就会有冰晶的窗花,和三尺高的冰柱
那该是多么素朴,月光把树身照亮
冬月像个孩子,挂在树的臂弯,
还不是时候,我们说。而父亲就这样去世了。
And the tree swept the slates clean with its wings.
The birds were back and nesting, it was spring,
And nothing had altered much, not yet, not yet.

树用它的翅膀,把房顶的青岩瓦打扫干净
鸟儿们回来了,开始筑巢,又到了春天
什么也没有改变,还不是时候,还不是
时候

作者/迈克尔·施密特(英)
翻译/唐凯

(此译诗在中诗翻译论坛得到“浓浓的绿意”朋友
认真润笔和勘正,我已多处采纳,深表谢意)

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 楼主| 发表于 2010-10-29 13:26:56 | 显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-8 00:55 编辑

糟了,我又不会排版了,请童天/卧龙兄再帮我鼓捣鼓捣,把小节拉开。

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发表于 2010-10-30 08:39:51 | 显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-8 00:55 编辑

代码太多了。暂时还没分清头绪。带我厘清了,再来修改哈

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 楼主| 发表于 2010-10-31 19:49:49 | 显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-8 00:55 编辑

谢谢童天高悬关注,倍感激励。问候!

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发表于 2010-11-1 17:29:33 | 显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-8 00:55 编辑

语言口语化,构思巧妙,有象征意味。谢唐君提供!

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发表于 2010-11-1 18:23:27 | 显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-8 00:55 编辑

My father said he'd have to cut the tree down,
It was so high and broad at the top, and it leaned
In towards the house so that in wind it brushed
The roof slates, gables and the chimney stone
Leaving its marks there as if it intended to.
父亲说他非得锯掉那棵树
它又高又大,还贴近房子
起风时,它刷刷蹭着屋顶
与山墙,还有那根石烟囱
仿佛想给我们留下点痕迹

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 楼主| 发表于 2010-11-3 23:41:56 | 显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-8 00:55 编辑

语言口语化,构思巧妙,有象征意味。谢唐君提供![/quote]
谢谢周先生回复,有所尝试的东西,我才敢拿到这个论坛上来交流,听听各方意见,对走出一条路子有好处。您的认可说明这是个不错的方向。再谢。

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 楼主| 发表于 2010-11-3 23:44:19 | 显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-8 00:55 编辑

我说嘛,明明就是“痕迹”我却抓耳挠腮没整出来,还弄个燕过留声!哈哈。真是笨得可以。谢谢剑兄。你又来平整的手法了,感觉真不错,那么,肯定还有不少不平整的地方,要不,你按你的习惯手法再翻译一遍得了,我认为这是一首好诗。

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 楼主| 发表于 2010-11-3 23:51:57 | 显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-8 00:55 编辑

回复 唐凯 的帖子
代码太多了。暂时还没分清头绪。带我厘清了,再来修改哈 ...[/quote]
我终于搞定它了,原来,就是连敲两下回车(分行)就行。哈哈。

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发表于 2010-11-4 10:28:27 | 显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-8 00:55 编辑

okay,it's great

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