【新诗英译】轻衣社•浮云--沈鱼

Loon

触摸的，却是你的鬓角，和轻衣
Only to touch your hair on the cheek, and your gossamer underwear--

鬓角, your hair on the cheek?
这首诗的题目也有意思， 好像是词牌呢。 译文题目词序又和原文的相调换，不大明白。
还有， “轻衣”是何物？ 轻飘飘的衣服？ 惭愧， 孤陋寡闻。

Loon

浓浓的绿意  作者的原题是“小诗”，后改为“轻衣社”，我想大概是一组有特色的诗，如菊花社之类。鬓角为on the temples，感觉有点僵硬，应是颊边的留发，故如是

哦， 那就是系列诗。
不过我倒是把 hair on the cheek 理解为脸上长的毛。

无心剑

回复 浓浓的绿意 的帖子

这样理解蛮好。浮云本无意，纵掏空心思，也是苦自己。

自娱自乐

鬓角, your hair on the cheek

Well, there is a word for it, which is 'sideburns' or "sideboards" or"burnsides"

自娱自乐

浓浓的绿意 发表于 2011-4-8 11:22
译诗有点挑战性，又想妄作，自然要挨拍砖了。那就开始来吧，欢迎砸砖，让我再历练一次吧。谢谢啦！ ...

My understanding is that the poet has something to say about his/her lost love. So “drifting clouds” becomes pieces of lovesick memories with “imaginary spaces”and “wind gossips”.  


Do you mean my understanding or translation version is wrong or what?

Yes, drifting (= floating) clouds yield (=bring / gather) nothing but something else, maybe whatever you said is right, but I failed to see any sort of stuff in this so-called poem, I am so sorry.