【中诗英译】waiting for your coming

无心剑

等着你来
Waiting for You to Come
小龙女
by Xiaolongnv
夜色苍茫，万家灯火远成星星
煮好了咖啡，放在窗前
读一首诗，微笑
我用爱来款待你
the night is so boundless
myriad lights afar look like stars
I put the brewed coffee by the window
reading a poem with a smile
I'll regale you with my love
译于2011年10月23日。

peter7805

无心剑 发表于 2011-10-23 23:49
等着你来

Waiting for You to Come

欣赏佳译！

Deepblue

Waiting for your coming --> 嗯，这标题怎么听着有点着急的意思呢？

                              by Xiaolongnv


The night is so deep and dark, --> 苍茫=悠远，朦胧状

the light from those houses is so far away like stars--> as the stars (are).

I have made the coffee, put it in front of the window--> putting/placing it...

Now I am reading a poem , smile--> 正常的动词用法：I read a poem, smiling

To treat you with love that I shall--> treat(ing) you with love=以免费的爱餐招待你，that I shall=那是我义不容辞的

Deepblue

the night is so boundless --> the night sky is so boundless? or the night is so dark?

myriad lights afar look like stars --> the stars?

I put the brewed coffee by the window

reading a poem with a smile --> It sounds a bit strange to say: I put something somewhere reading a poem...

I'll regale you with my love --> If you'll regale someone with your love, you are going to pour your passions over him. Are you sure this is what she actually will do with her coffee, poem and smile?

peter7805

Deepblue 发表于 2011-10-24 23:22
Waiting for your coming --> 嗯，这标题怎么听着有点着急的意思呢？

                              by X ...

thank you very much!

无心剑

Deepblue 发表于 2011-10-24 23:47
the night is so boundless --> the night sky is so boundless? or the night is so dark?

myriad lights ...

谢谢朋友批评。

Deepblue

批评本身不重要，更不是目的；其中有玩笑的成分，请不要介意。只是从译文中看，觉得你们对英语的使用有些闭门造车，说出来的意思和想要说的意思相差很远，甚至背道而驰，所以提醒一下。{:soso_e181:}

童天鉴日

Deepblue 发表于 2011-10-28 05:56
批评本身不重要，更不是目的；其中有玩笑的成分，请不要介意。只是从译文中看，觉得你们对英语的使用有些闭 ...

问好深蓝老师！所言极是，请多多指导！