英译余秀华"穿越大半个中国去睡你"

叶如钢

1.  Crossing more than half of China to bed you                  

原作： 余秀华

叶如钢译


Well,  bedding you and being bedded by you are basically the same
It's simply the force of  colliding between two bodies
It's simply a flower which this force brings to bloom
It's simply an illusion of spring formed by this flower
Which we mistake to be  a  reopenning of life
Across more than half of China, everything is happenning:
Volcanoes are erupting,  rivers are drying up
Those political prisoners and vagabonds whom nobody cares about
Those elks and red-crowned cranes who face gun barrels all their way
I am coming through the hail of bullets to bed you
I am pressing countless nights into one dawn to bed you
I am a countless number of myself running to become one to bed you
Of course I may also be led astray by some butterflies
I may take some praises for a  spring
I may take some village similar to Hengdian for my hometown
But these
Are all indispensable reasons for me to go over to bed you


注： 上面这个版本是试验性的。诗友木樨黄谷君原来用的是 to have sex with。 我起初用的是 to fuck。 我们互相指出对方用的译法不够好。 讨论中， 他提出用 to bed 和 to bed with。 后来他在他的翻译版本的首句和尾句里这样用了。  我觉得通篇用to bed 和 to be bedded by 更好。但一直犹豫。 后来在其他地方， 有三位网友提出同样的想法。 所以我就有勇气这样用了。 在这里鸣谢木樨黄谷君和他们。





1.  Crossing more than half of China to bed you                  

原作： 余秀华

叶如钢译


Well,  bedding you and being bedded by you are basically the same
It's simply the force of  colliding between two bodies
It's simply a flower which this force brings to bloom
It's simply an illusion of spring formed by this flower
Which we mistake to be  a  reopenning of life
Across more than half of China, everything is happenning:
Volcanoes are erupting,  rivers are drying up
Those political prisoners and vagabonds whom nobody cares about
Those elks and red-crowned cranes who face gun barrels all their way
I am coming through the hail of bullets to bed you
I am pressing countless nights into one dawn to bed you
I am a countless number of myself running to become one to bed you
Of course I may also be led astray by some butterflies
I may take some praises for a  spring
I may take some village similar to Hengdian for my hometown
But these
Are all indispensable reasons for me to go over to bed you


注： 上面这个版本是试验性的， 我原来一直犹豫，。诗友原来用的是。 我起初用的是。 我们互相指出对方的用的译法不够好。 讨论中， 他提出用。 后来他在他的版本里在和我讨论时提出用和。 因为英文里标准用法是 He beds her.  She beds with him.
诗友熊重阳君和其他地方两位网友认为可以用 to bed,  不必用 to bed with。 有此鼓励，
我也就有勇气这样用了。
因为英文里标准用法是 He beds her.  She beds with him.
诗友熊重阳君和其他地方两位网友认为可以用 to bed,  不必用 to bed with。 有此鼓励，
我也就有勇气这样用了。







1.  Crossing more than half of China to sleep you                  

原作： 余秀华

叶如钢译


Well,  sleeping you and being slept by you are basically the same
It's simply the force of  colliding between two bodies
It's simply a flower which this force brings to bloom
It's simply an illusion of spring formed by this flower
Which we mistake to be  a  reopenning of life
Across more than half of China, everything is happenning:
Volcanoes are erupting,  rivers are drying up
Those political prisoners and vagabonds whom nobody cares about
Those elks and red-crowned cranes who face gun barrels all their way
I am coming through the hail of bullets to sleep you
I am pressing countless nights into one dawn to sleep you
I am a countless number of myself running to become one to sleep you
Of course I may also be led astray by some butterflies
I may take some praises for a  spring
I may take some village similar to Hengdian for my hometown
But these
Are all indispensable reasons for me to go to sleep you


注： 上面这个版本是试验性的， 因为英文里不说  sleep you。
这里我试图在英文里引进这个新用法。






2.  Crossing more than half of China to sleep with you                  

原作： 余秀华

叶如钢译


Well,  screwing you and being screwed by you are basically the same
It's simply the force of  colliding between two bodies
It's simply a flower which this force brings to bloom
It's simply an illusion of spring formed by this flower
Which we mistake to be  a  reopenning of life
Across more than half of China, everything is happenning:
Volcanoes are erupting,  rivers are drying up
Those political prisoners and vagabonds whom nobody cares about
Those elks and red-crowned cranes who face gun barrels all their way
I am coming through the hail of bullets to sleep with you
I am pressing countless nights into one dawn to sleep with  you
I am a countless number of myself running to become one to sleep with you
Of course I may also be led astray by some butterflies
I may take some praises for a  spring
I may take some village similar to Hengdian for my hometown
But these
Are all indispensable reasons for me to go to sleep with you





3.  Crossing more than half of China to screw you                  

原作： 余秀华

叶如钢译


Well,  screwing you and being screwed by you are basically the same
It's simply the force of  colliding between two bodies
It's simply a flower which this force brings to bloom
It's simply an illusion of spring formed by this flower
Which we mistake to be a reopenning of life
Across more than half of China, everything is happenning:
Volcanoes are erupting,  rivers are drying up
Those political prisoners and vagabonds whom nobody cares about
Those elks and red-crowned cranes who face gun barrels all their way
I am coming through the hail of bullets to screw you
I am pressing countless nights into one dawn to screw you
I am a countless number of myself running to become one to screw you
Of course I may also be led astray by some butterflies
I may take some praises for a  spring
I may take some village similar to Hengdian for my hometown
But these
Are all indispensable reasons for me to go to screw you

穿越大半个中国去睡你

余秀华


其实，睡你和被你睡是差不多的，无非是
两具肉体碰撞的力，无非是这力催开的花朵
无非是这花朵虚拟出的春天让我们误以为生命被重新打开
大半个中国，什么都在发生：火山在喷，河流在枯
一些不被关心的政治犯和流民
一路在枪口的麋鹿和丹顶鹤
我是穿过枪林弹雨去睡你
我是把无数的黑夜摁进一个黎明去睡你
我是无数个我奔跑成一个我去睡你
当然我也会被一些蝴蝶带入歧途
把一些赞美当成春天
把一个和横店类似的村庄当成故乡
而它们
都是我去睡你必不可少的理由

木樨黄谷

只欣赏而不抛砖，中国雅士也{:soso_e113:}
原诗有意重复使用的字眼，在翻译的时候是不是也得重现一下？当然，英语求异斥同而汉语求同排异，这似乎不是我们译者扔掉原语修辞的理由。“睡”是委婉语，如果英诗里出现了“fuck”，我们就得翻译成“操”了{:soso_e120:}而不能是“嘿咻”

叶如钢

木樨黄谷 发表于 2015-1-23 14:39
只欣赏而不抛砖，中国雅士也
原诗有意重复使用的字眼，在翻译的时候是不是也得重现一下？当然 ...

多谢。

不错，fuck 比“睡”要粗。 所以我只是在首句用了。 后面都用了sleep with。 这样就平衡了一下。 那么， 首句的用语后面没有重复。这有所损失。 但首句是点睛之句， 不醒目地译过去， 就损失了大头。 所以我不赞成您这句的解释性翻译。  此外， sleep with  后面也是重复几遍的。

您的翻译通篇都用 have sex， 我觉得总体效果重口味了。

英文里除了 fuck， 似乎没有合适的说法可以表达睡与被睡。

多谢。 多谢来读和讨论。

木樨黄谷

叶如钢 发表于 2015-1-24 10:08
多谢。

不错，fuck 比“睡”要粗。 所以我只是在首句用了。 后面都用了sleep with。 这样就平衡了一下。 ...

英语里有很多可以表达睡和被睡
比如bed sb（男用）、bed with（女用）正好可以传达这个关系

叶如钢

木樨黄谷 发表于 2015-1-24 13:51
英语里有很多可以表达睡和被睡
比如bed sb（男用）、bed with（女用）正好可以传达这个关系
...

你说得对， 是有这两个用法。 我以前也见到过。
不过这里似乎不十分合适。 因为余说的是她去谁一个男人。除非不用 bed with.  正反都用 bed.  但和习惯用法又不一致。 再者， bed 和 bed with 都显得柔软无力。没有传达出原句的力度和张扬。

叶如钢

木樨黄谷 发表于 2015-1-24 13:51
英语里有很多可以表达睡和被睡
比如bed sb（男用）、bed with（女用）正好可以传达这个关系
...

忽然想起来一个词： screw.   这个较好。

木樨黄谷

原译已修改二稿。弃用sex with，的确太直白、重口味了。不过fuck更豪放，属于西方禁忌语，倒是have sex with是西方人口语里不避讳的。后面的处理，兄的sleep with比较委婉。但原诗有意重复的字眼似乎还是不能为了平衡而换用不同的译法，相信多数人会赞成这个观点的，毕竟网上搜集此诗英译本，“睡你”译成一致的9成以上。

另外，表达睡和被睡的英语用法，我查了下委婉语词典，有如下结果：

叶如钢

木樨黄谷 发表于 2015-1-24 14:24
原译已修改二稿。弃用sex with，的确太直白、重口味了。不过fuck更豪放，属于西方禁忌语，倒是have sex wit ...

bang  是美国年青人常用的表达做爱的一个词， 很豪放， 强调的是动作。即男性的身体动作。用来说女性对男性似乎不很合适。

叶如钢

木樨黄谷 发表于 2015-1-24 14:24
原译已修改二稿。弃用sex with，的确太直白、重口味了。不过fuck更豪放，属于西方禁忌语，倒是have sex wit ...

如能保持这个关键词前后一致确实较好。 我就暂时都用 screw 吧。
screw  也有不十分理想的一面。 它本来是形象地描述
男性的器官。
----"She screwed him"   是口语里常有的。
多谢讨论和建议。

叶如钢

叶如钢 发表于 2015-1-24 14:23
忽然想起来一个词： screw.   这个较好。

He is screwed.

----他倒霉了。

但screw 用来表示做爱是很常用的。