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泰戈尔《飞鸟》新译(双语对照) 请猛批!

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发表于 2008-3-27 22:00:00 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-8 06:14 编辑

Stray birds
           Translated by Han Qirong
1. Stray birds of summer come to my window to sing and fly away. And yellow leaves of autumn, which have no songs, flutter and fall there with a sign.
夏天迷失的鸟儿飞临我窗前歌唱,旋又飞去。
秋天的黄叶,无歌可唱,叹息着黯然飞落。
2. O Troupe of little vagrants of the world, leaves
your footprints in my words.
一队小小的世界漂泊者呀,在我字里行间留下你们的足迹吧。
3. The world puts off its mask of vastness to its lover. It becomes small, small as one song, as one kiss of the eternal.
世界向爱人取下它巨大的假面。它变小了,小如一首歌,亦如永恒的一吻。
4. It is the tears of the earth that keep her smiles in bloom.
是大地的泪水使她的微笑盛放。
5. The mighty desert is burning for the love of a blade of grass who shakes her head and laughs and flies away.
无垠的沙漠渴盼一叶绿草的爱,她却摇摇头笑着飞开。
6. If you shed tears when you miss the sun, you also miss the stars.
如果你因失去太阳而流泪,你也会失去星星。
7. The sands in your way beg for your song and your movement, dancing water. Will you carry the burden of their lameness?
舞之蹈之的流水呀,拦路的泥沙乞求你的歌声和你的灵动。你肯挟瘸足泥沙而下吗?
8. Her wishful face haunts my dreams like the rain at night.
她热切渴望的脸宛若夜雨萦绕我的梦境。
9. Once we dreamt that we were strangers.
We wake up to find that we were dear to each other.
曾经梦见我们形同路人。醒来发现我们原是相爱相亲。
10. Sorrow is hushed into peace in my heart like the evening among the silent trees.
我心中哀如止水,宛如暮色降临静寂之林。
11. Some unseen fingers, like an idle breeze, are playing upon my heart the music of the ripples.
隐形手指,若慵懒微风,在我心弦上奏潺潺乐章。
12. What language is thine, O sea?
The language of eternal question.
What language is thy answer, O sky?
The language of eternal silence.
“海水呀,你说什么?”
“是永恒的疑问。”
“天空呀,你的回答是什么?”
“是永恒的沉默。”
13. Listen, my heart, to the whispers of the world with which it makes love to you.
听,我的心,听世界向你求爱的喁喁私语。
14. The mystery of creation is like the darkness of night--it is great. Delusions of knowledge are like the fog of the morning.
创造的神秘犹如夜间的黑暗--伟大。知识的幻觉犹如晨雾。
15. Do not seat your love upon a precipice because it is high.
不要因为峭壁之高而让你的爱情坐于其上。
16. I sit at my window this morning where the world like a passer-by stops for a moment, nods to me and goes.
今晨我坐在窗前,世界宛如路人,停留片刻,向我点头走过。
17. These little thoughts are the rustle of leaves; they have their whisper of joy in my mind.
这些微思是树叶的簌簌之声;它们在我的心里欢悦地呢喃。
18. What you are you do not see, what you see is your shadow.
你看不见自己是什么,你所看见的只是你的影子。
19. My wishes are fools, they shout across thy song, my Master. Let me but listen.
神呀,我的愿望真是愚傻,它们在你的歌声中喧嚣。让我只谛听吧。
20. I cannot choose the best. The best chooses me.
我不能选择最好的。是最好的选择我。
21. They throw their shadows before them who carry their lantern on their back.
灯笼挂在背后的人将影子投到了自己前面。
22. That I exist is a perpetual surprise which is life.
我的存在是一个永恒的惊奇,这就是人生。
23. “We, the rustling leaves, have a voice that answers the storms, but who are you so silent?
“I am a mere flower.”
“我们,簌簌的树叶,声音回应着暴风雨。你是谁,竟然如此沉默?”
“我只是一朵花。”
24. Rest belongs to the work as the eyelids to the eyes.
休憩属于工作,正如眼睑之与眼睛。
25. Man is a born child, his power is the power of growth.
人为初生之婴,他的力量,就是成长的力量。
26. God expects answers for the flowers he sends us, not for the sun and the earth.
上帝企盼着我们回应,乃在于他馈与我们的花朵,而非太阳和土地。
27. The light that plays, like a naked child, among the green leaves happily knows not that man can lie.
日光若裸体稚童,在绿叶中快乐嬉戏,它不知道人会撒谎。
28. O Beauty, find thyself in love, not in the flattery of thy mirror.
啊,美呀,不要到你镜子的阿谀奉承中,而要到爱中寻找自我吧。
29. My heart beats her waves at the shore of the world and writes upon it her signature in tears with the words, "I love thee."
我心澜激荡着世界的海岸,并和泪在上边标记下:“我爱你。”
30. “Moon, for what do you wait?”
“To salute the sun for whom I must make way.”
“月儿啊,你在等候什么?”
“向我必须让路的太阳致敬。”
31. The trees come up to my window like the yearning voice of the dumb earth.
树来到我的窗前,仿佛喑哑大地发出的渴望的声音。
32. His own mornings are new surprises to God.
对于上帝来说,自己的清晨也无比新奇。
33. Life finds its wealth by the claims of the world, and its worth by the claims of love.
   世界的需求使人生富有,爱情的需求使人生价值连城.。
34. The dry river-bed finds no thanks for its past.
干涸的河床,并不感谢它的过去。
35. The bird wishes it were a cloud.
The cloud wishes it were a bird.
鸟儿愿为一朵云。
云儿愿为一只鸟。
36. The waterfall sings, "I find my song, when I find my freedom."
瀑布唱道:“得到自由时我便有了歌声。”
37. I cannot tell why this heart languishes in silence.
It is for small needs it never asks, or knows or remembers.
我说不清这颗心为什么默默地凋萎。
是为了它不曾要求,不曾知晓,不曾记得的些微需要。
38. Woman, when you move about in your household service your limbs sing like a hill stream among its pebbles.
妇人,走来走去料理家务时,你手足宛如山溪歌唱着流过卵石。
39. The sun goes to cross the Western sea, leaving its last salutation to the East.
太阳走过西方大海时,留下他对东方最后的致意。
40. Do not blame your food because you have no appetite.
不要因为自己没有胃口而去责备食物。
41. The trees, like the longings of the earth, stand a tiptoe to peep at the heaven.
树像大地的渴望似的,为了窥视天空而踮起脚尖。
42. You smiled and talked to me of nothing and I felt that for this I had been waiting long.
你微笑着,什么都未跟我说。我却觉得,为了这个,我已等待很久。
43. The fish in the water is silent, the animal on the earth is noisy, the bird in the air is singing. But Man has in him the silence of the sea, the noise of the earth and the music of the air.
水里的鱼沉默着。大地上的野兽喧闹着,空中的鸟儿歌唱着。但是,人类却兼有大海的沉默,大地的喧闹以及天空的乐曲。
44. The world rushes on over the strings of the lingering heart making the music of sadness.
世界冲过缠绵的心弦,奏出哀伤的音乐。
45. He has made his weapons his gods.
When his weapons win he is defeated himself.
他把自己武器奉为上帝。当武器胜利之时,他自己却失败了。
46. God finds himself by creating.
上帝从创造中发现了自我。
47. Shadow, with her veil drawn, follows Light in secret , with her silent steps of love.
蒙上面纱的影子用她爱沉默的脚步,秘密地追随着光。
48. The stars are not afraid to appear like fireflies.
星星不怕显得像萤火虫那样。
49. I thank thee that I am none of the wheels of power but I am one with the living creatures that are crushed by it.
感谢神,我不是一只权力之轮,而是被其压碎的一个生灵。
50. The mind, sharp but not broad, sticks at every point but does not move.
注意力犀利而不宽广,它执着于每一点却并不移动。

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 楼主| 发表于 2008-3-27 22:09:00 | 显示全部楼层

回复:泰戈尔《飞鸟》新译(双语对照) 请猛批!

本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-8 06:14 编辑

:D 自己以为在诗味方面超过以前的译者,欢迎点评。

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发表于 2008-3-28 07:09:00 | 显示全部楼层

回复:泰戈尔《飞鸟》新译(双语对照) 请猛批!

本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-8 06:14 编辑

基本不錯。其他人的譯文沒見過。有些細小處討論。
VASTNESS沒譯出。
“開花”一點不錯﹐如譯成“盛放”更好。
WISHFUL可譯成“熱切渴望的”。
LANGUAGE應譯出﹐否則意思略有不同。
What you are you do not see你看不見你是什麼。
23﹐有個聲音去回應著暴風雨。
29﹐我心在世界的海岸上激起波濤﹐並用淚花寫上她標誌式的字
“我愛你”。SIGNATURE一詞現在有了“標誌式的”新義。This is his signature laugh.意為這是他獨特的笑。
抱歉﹐時間關係﹐沒看下去。

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 楼主| 发表于 2008-3-28 08:34:00 | 显示全部楼层

回复: 泰戈尔《飞鸟》新译(双语对照) 请猛批!

本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-8 06:14 编辑

:D 谢谢海外逸士,请继续指导!!!上茶,上好茶.

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发表于 2008-3-28 10:35:00 | 显示全部楼层

回复:泰戈尔《飞鸟》新译(双语对照) 请猛批!

本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-8 06:14 编辑

欢迎新朋友,欢迎新作品

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 楼主| 发表于 2008-3-28 17:00:00 | 显示全部楼层

回复: 泰戈尔《飞鸟》新译(双语对照) 请猛批!

本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-8 06:14 编辑
原帖由 童天鉴日 于 2008-3-28 10:35:00 发表
欢迎新朋友,欢迎新作品

谢谢童天老师,
亲来乍到,摸不着锅灶,还望多指点!

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发表于 2008-4-9 21:00:00 | 显示全部楼层

回复:泰戈尔《飞鸟》新译(双语对照) 请猛批!

本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-8 06:15 编辑

拜读。

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发表于 2008-4-10 16:17:00 | 显示全部楼层

回复:泰戈尔《飞鸟》新译(双语对照) 请猛批!

本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-8 06:15 编辑

仔细读过你的作品了
译笔流畅,简直是一顿眼睛和心灵的盛宴
好的就不赘述了
从鸡蛋里挑点骨头再嚼嚼吧------
21. They throw their shadows before them who carry their lantern on their back.
背灯之人将影子投到了自己前面。
vs 打灯笼到背后的人,影子投到了他们的前面
背灯之人 有点费解,易引起歧义,注意原动词为carry
36. The waterfall sings, "I find my song, when I find my freedom."
瀑布唱道:“得到自由时我便有了歌声。”
vs  瀑布唱道:“我找到自由时,就找回了我的歌。”
我觉得,瀑布本来就会唱歌,找回 更能体现声音失而复得的宝贵和欣喜
37. I cannot tell why this heart languishes in silence.
It is for small needs it never asks, or knows or remembers.
我说不清这颗心为什么默默地枯萎。
是为了它不曾要求,不曾知晓,不曾记得的些微需要。
vs 我说不清这颗心为什么在沉默中憔悴。
是因为它从不求问,了解,记念自己的小要求。
要理解这句话我没有把握, 是因为它一直付出没人回报而失望憔悴,
还是因为它无私付出,默默耗尽自己的所有精力而憔悴?
38. Woman, when you move about in your household service your limbs sing like a hill stream among its pebbles.
妇人,料理家务时,你手足宛如山溪歌唱着流过卵石。
vs 女人啊,当你做家务四处走动时,你的手足宛如山溪歌唱着流过卵石。
补译move about
47. Shadow, with her veil drawn, follows Light in secret , with her silent steps of love.
蒙上纱丽的影子用她爱沉默的脚步,秘密地,温顺地追随着光。
vs  影子披着面纱,默默的用爱之步伐,暗暗的追随着光。
注明:纱丽是一种服饰,虽可裹头,还是不太妥当。
温顺----原文无此意
个人理解 海涵 呵呵

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 楼主| 发表于 2008-4-10 18:37:00 | 显示全部楼层

回复 8F firefly 的帖子

本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-8 06:15 编辑

上香茗!:D :D
后三处我已作微调!很抱歉,由于最近主攻方向为创作,参加翻译栏目互动的时间少了.
Firefly先生, 你英语专业方面目前没有什么好资料吗?:D
:D 谢谢你的关爱!

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 楼主| 发表于 2008-4-10 18:40:00 | 显示全部楼层

回复:泰戈尔《飞鸟》新译(双语对照) 请猛批!

本帖最后由 雨荷风 于 2015-10-8 06:15 编辑

我误以为纱丽是面纱之类的东西,这是一个错误.:D

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