旧作新译 七绝两首 夏日杂言（Summer Lines）

青衫来客

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-7-10 18:46:00 发表
杂言 - obiter dicta?

Yes, 杂言is obiter dicta. But do you think summer lines is the way to express what I mean?

青衫来客

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-7-10 19:06:00 发表
The wind comes all the way and sweeps the cicada buzz away

The zephyr stealthily comes and carries the cicadas' chirp away?  

You can not say cicadas'chirp, it is just a noise. Zephyr is the Greek god of the west wind and it is more cultural and figurative to use it. I apprecite it very much.

青衫来客

I am lying bare footed on a rock
beside the clear brook
The cool shade of bamboo
lulls me into a nice nap at noon
The wind comes all the way
and sweeps the cicada buzz away
A fresh flow runs to stay
in my heart through my dream by day
I am trying the internal ryhme and it seems to me that  i am not so successful, for you did not find it out.

青衫来客

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-7-10 19:56:00 发表
Down upon a rock by a clear brook bare-footed I lay,
The zephyr stealthily comes and carries cicadas' chirp away.
The cool shade of bamboo lulls me into a nice nap,
Through the dream into my heart,......

I like your version very much and would keep it in my blog.

自娱自乐

chirp

A short, high-pitched sound, such as that made by a small bird or an insect.

自娱自乐

Is cicada an insect? :Z

自娱自乐

To be honest with you, I have detected it, but your 'brook' doesn't rhyme with 'noon', I am afraid, so....

青衫来客

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-7-12 9:17:00 发表
chirp

A short, high-pitched sound, such as that made by a small bird or an insect.

I know cicadas chirp and orioles warble. But I may take it as a sort of noise when I do not need it. You would feel that the sound is different when you are in different mood.

青衫来客

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-7-12 9:20:00 发表
To be honest with you, I have detected it, but your 'brook' doesn't rhyme with 'noon', I am afraid, so....

It is a sort of ryhme indeed.

自娱自乐

原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-7-12 9:40:00 发表
[quote] 原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-7-12 9:20:00 发表
To be honest with you, I have detected it, but your 'brook' doesn't rhyme with 'noon', I am afraid, so....

It is a sort of ryhme ind...... [/quote]
well, I have to disagree with you.

Noon (nu:n)
Brook (bruk)
too far away from each other...I am sorry