旧作新译 七律 西湖刘庄小住（A Short Stay In Liuzhuang Gardan Hotel）

青衫来客

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-7-10 14:18:00 发表
[quote] 原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-7-10 9:21:00 发表

I know （[

Gone with something is a good set phrase, but used too frequently. I thought to use it and quited at last.  

青衫来客

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-7-11 5:55:00 发表
If 'neighbour' is used as a verb, it is often followed by 'on or upon'  

I am afraid not. We say" Cananda neighbors the US, never say Canada neighbors on the US. Please give me an example to prove your usage.

青衫来客

Thank you for all your suggestions and inputs and please come to see my final version.

青衫来客

The beauty and charm of the fairy park still remains attractive
Neighboring the Xi Hu Lake makes it enchantingly seductive
By pavilion it sees the butterfly lingering on the lotus flower
Boats pass through bridge with bamboo shading the brook over
Distant hills are painted verdant while I feel cool in my sleeve
Swallows ‘re going home as the sunlight’s being red in the eve
I know that the most part of my life has gone with a sad sigh
But I’m still envious of the eagle who is flying in clouds high
　　

自娱自乐

原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-7-12 8:43:00 发表
[quote] 原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-7-11 5:55:00 发表
If 'neighbour' is used as a verb, it is often followed by 'on or upon'  

I am afraid not. We say" Cananda neighbors the US, neve...... [/quote]
Well, it might be an informal way of speaking, anyhow, please consult your dictionary.
By the way, I reckon 'the neighbouring west lake' shall serve the similar purpose.

自娱自乐

原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-7-12 8:53:00 发表
The beauty and charm of the fairy park still remains attractive
Neighboring the Xi Hu Lake makes it （more) enchantingly seductive
By pavilion it sees the butterfly lingering on the lotus flower
Boats pass

more = 愈, otherwise sth missing :P

童天鉴日

来学习！青衫好诗，自娱精评！

宛城卧龙

翻译的不错  也很到位
翻译版的精华！

青衫来客

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-7-12 9:05:00 发表
[quote] 原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-7-12 8:43:00 发表
[quote] 原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-7-11 5:55:00 发表
If 'neighbour' is used as a verb, it is often followed by 'on or upon'  

I ...... [/quote]
"Doing a good job is my duty," we might say this. But we may not say "the doing a good job is my duty." It sounds a little weird as you said. Is that so, my buddy?

自娱自乐

Yes, absolutely correct!