【编辑】《望庐山五老峰》诗/李白 译/А.Е.吉多维奇

金沙文字

自娱君海涵........................................

自娱自乐

还不海涵那？嗬嗬嗬，我早就说过我是个粗人，这要按我以往的脾气，我早就‘骂娘’了。呵呵呵

和为贵嘛，呵呵呵

金沙文字

:D ..........................................................................

自娱自乐

望庐山五老峰

作者：李白

庐山东南五老峰，
青天削出金芙蓉。
九江秀色可揽结，
吾将此地巢云松。


The southeastern peak of the Lu Mt called the Five Oldies,
A golden hibiscus is cut and carved by the blue sky.
Where the grandeur of the Jiu River one can come by,
So I will tarry to be with cloud and pine tree as my buddies.


老金，I tried my hand at it, and hope if you could give me some feedback.

金沙文字

1、形式美！
2、路线（思路）正确
3、有节奏感
白璧微瑕，待我细考.......................................:beer: :beer: .........................

自娱自乐

谢谢！为了押韵，加了buddies，是瑕疵。

金沙文字

参考意见：
五老---张果老等五隐士的故事  用five recluses更准确
青天---应指老天爷，西方称上帝，造物主
芙蓉---指莲花，用lotus，带有宗教色彩更好
......................................

自娱自乐

原帖由 金沙文字 于 2009-7-14 9:35:00 发表
参考意见：
五老---张果老等五隐士的故事  用five recluses更准确
青天---应指老天爷，西方称上帝，造物主
芙蓉---指莲花，用lotus，带有宗教色彩更好
......................................

谢谢！
1. Can consider 'five hermits', for recluses its sound seems a tad too long,
2. Can't say blue god, no way, it sounds bizarre. Initially, I used blue heaven, but change it for the sake of rhyming.
3. Yep, lotus is the right one, and it can be considered, moreover, it doesn't hurt rhyming.

Many thanks for your input!

自娱自乐

maybe 'cut and carved by God in sky'?

Once again a bit deviate from the original, or have to give out a foot-note.

自娱自乐

The southeastern peak of the Lushan called the Five Oldies,
A golden lotus is cut and carved by God in the blue sky.
Where the grandeur of the Jiujing River one can come by,
So I will tarry to cohabit with cloud and pine tree as my buddies.


I reckon it is ok to say 'oldies' since these hermits or recluses are virtually old men. :P