七律 重访江北山庄（ Revisit The Mountain Village)

青衫来客

原帖由 金沙文字 于 2009-7-14 9:46:00 发表
欣赏一下中文，英文等老娱来跟你切磋
请详解：
1、笑意藏。为什么要藏？一个人要想笑是很难憋住的哟，此人是谁？
2、轻车是什么车？
3、靓衫是不是花衣服？
4、老友的中文英文都没有词性变化，要是俄语一下就看出是男友还是女友，请加注说明.......................:D ..............................................

报告金版，1.要深沉一点，所以没有喜笑颜开，因为要做一件很高兴的事情，此人当然是我；2. 轻车是轻车简从的那个轻车。3.靓衫不一定就是花的，好看和漂亮的都可以叫靓。4.哈哈哈，男的，老友怎么是女的？:-| :@ :~

青衫来客

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-7-14 10:42:00 发表
while I have a light heart to remain. -----hehehe, as a reader without understanding any Chinese would think you are dying, hahahha



老青，初稿不够理想，请再斟酌。

Ok, I will follow your advice. But to have a heavy (light)ro with light heart is an idomatic saying, meaning at ease.

青衫来客

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-7-14 11:03:00 发表
covering half of verdant lake ------covering the half of...

it is also ok to say 'covering half a verdant lake', I think.

picture the summer? so the previous summers were not as beautiful as thi......

Your first question is about the word half. The grammatic rule is if it is used as the noun, the article before "half" can be omitted. Second, picure just means depict or portray.For instance----The painter pictured the general sitting on a horse.

青衫来客

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-7-14 11:07:00 发表
My old friend appears with new clothes  ------ Normally, we say appear in new clothes, with new clothes might mean he brings new clothes with him, ...

Do you think I am right if I put it this way that my friend is so eager to meet me that hardly does he have the time to put on his new dress so as to bring it with him? But I have to admit this is a blunder. It sould be in a new clothes.

青衫来客

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-7-14 11:20:00 发表
I am leaving on the sun setting and find a lingering look of the yellow dog


better to say 'as I'm leaving, ....blah..blah...a look

Well, hang on, find a look of the yellow dog, that sounds a......

Please have a look at the revised:
I’m leaving at the sunset to see a lingering look on face of the yellow dog.
As matter of fact, we do say the look of sb., for exaple:
You can see the happy look of the winner. However this is the only sentence that I can find in dictionaries to support me and I would certainly take your idea.

自娱自乐

原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-7-15 22:40:00 发表

Ok, I will follow your advice. But to have a heavy (light)ro with light heart is an idomatic saying, meaning at ease.

Buddy, no, that is not a problem. to remain sounds odd in this version, which implies everything is bad or gone save for a light heart.

自娱自乐

Well, regardless of grammar, or whether it makes great sense or not, hehehe, maybe 'contain' could be chosen, which means keep sth in...= 藏

Buddy, you quite often force yourself to rhyme in your translation to the detriment of your original emotive poem.

自娱自乐

What happened to this bloody forum?

It is completely screwed up, sigh....

青衫来客

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-7-16 7:28:00 发表
Well, regardless of grammar, or whether it makes great sense or not, hehehe, maybe 'contain' could be chosen, which means keep sth in...= 藏

Buddy, you quite often force yourself to rhyme in your t......

That is my rough understanding that rhyme is one of major traits for verse, or else one can not tell the difference between the poem and prose.
I have been learning a great deal from you and you are my teacher and friend as well, my lousy buddy.

自娱自乐

一路和风笑意藏,
轻车又访小山庄。

All along on the road in the breeze with a light heart to contain,
I am driving briskly to visit the little mountain village once again.