《七律 重访江北山庄》作者/ 青衫来客 翻译/自娱自乐

自娱自乐

七律 重访江北山庄
青衫来客
一路和风笑意藏,
轻车又访小山庄。
All along on the road in the breeze with a smiling heart to detain,
I am driving briskly to visit the little mountain village once again.
荷浮碧水半湖夏，
蝶扇茄花三里香。
The floating lotus leaves cover half a verdant lake in summer,
Butterflies fan the scent of eggplant flowers to reach three li yonder.
老友靓衫说旧意，
鲜蔬村酿宴新房。
My old buddie in fine clothes keeps talking about our old good days,
We dine on fresh vegs and the home-brewed in his new house, hurrays!
大黄落日犹相送，
地主依然醉梦长。
At sunset his yellow dog feels so reluctant to let me go,
For his intoxicated master still sleeps and dreams also.

青衫来客

More simplified and better version than mine and Ilike it.

自娱自乐

青衫来了，你我之间就不要客气了，要多提意见，只有这样才能不断提高译技。

青衫来客

All along on the road in the breeze with a smiling heart to detain,
Detain mainly means delay,retard and slow up and so on.,hardly means to keep a mood or feeling. Remain means continue, last  and keep ect. I can not agree with you for the usage of this word. I have the second thought after checking the two words up in dictionaries.

青衫来客

I have some bricks ready for you. We need not to stand on ceremony.

自娱自乐

detain also means to hold
or there is another one ---retain

自娱自乐

原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-7-18 9:26:00 发表
I have some bricks ready for you. We need not to stand on ceremony.

hehehe, most welcome!:P

自娱自乐

if no need to rhyme, hide might be the first choice anyway.

青衫来客

Yongder is fine word to be used here. However, I do not think you have to be too sticky with the original sometimes. Three miles or five foot rifle would make native speaker feel ridiculous.  They would ask if 3 and half miles is ok or is the rifle exact that long? We have to follow the different linguistic code and cultural preference.

青衫来客

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-7-18 9:27:00 发表
detain also means to hold
or there is another one ---retain

Retain is the best instead of remain. I do not why  you dislike using the word remain. It means keep clealy.