《七律 重访江北山庄》作者/ 青衫来客 翻译/自娱自乐

自娱自乐

hehehe, well, it is not what I dislike 'remain', it is because 'remain' also means 'whatever left', therefore, I would like to avoid ambiguity.

青衫来客

With regard to the word intoxicated. I wanted to use it on the first impuls. However，it means you have drunk a lot, but still in an exciting state, not implies unconcious. So I chose the idioms to to drink like a whale and sleep as a log. I believe the idiomatic saying is much better if any.

自娱自乐

I totally agree with you, however, it is poem, so we have to presume our readers who would take time to read thses type of stuff fully understand or be familiar with Chinese culture.

自娱自乐

I know what you mean, but it doesn't seem quite natural for you to rhyme by using them, right?

青衫来客

It's quite ok to rhyme dog with log. A perfect rhyming.

自娱自乐

dog and log, yes, but you have to go a long long way to rhym them, don't you? You have to add so many things untold in the poem to your translation version, right?

青衫来客

At sunset his yellow dog feels so reluctant to let me go,
For his intoxicated master still sleeps and dreams also.
FOR is not the right word to be use here, I reckon. Even if his master were still concious and never drunk, the dog would still feel reluctant to let me go. How about BUT or WITH?

自娱自乐

大黄落日犹相送，----my interpretation is that yellow dog doesn't want me to go, right? so what do you mean by a lingering look on his face? does it mean the dog wants to stay? so you are his master, aren't you?

地主依然醉梦长。-----does it simply mean he is drunk, and now still asleep and mayhaps in a fine dream, hehehe

I am leaving at sunset to find a lingering look of on face of the yellow dog
For drinking as whale his master is kept home in his sound sleep like a log

青衫来客

On the whole, it is a beautiful version and fully expresses the meaning of the original. Or, I would rather say, if I want to flatter you, better than the original.

自娱自乐

原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-7-18 10:03:00 发表
At sunset his yellow dog feels so reluctant to let me go,
For his intoxicated master still sleeps and dreams also.
FOR is not the right word to be use here, I reckon. Even if his master were still ......

Why do you think 'but and with' is better than 'for'?
By the way, it was your choice as well, :P