月夜憶舍弟----杜甫

海外逸士

your version is good.
but:
passers-by
because  there  still  continues  the war flame.  not  it.

青衫来客

Thanks a lot. Wish to learn more from you.

自娱自乐

lao qing, very impressive, but unfortunately now doesn't rhyme with not.

青衫来客

Wrong oder of the line.
If they are dead or not no way to know.  
What do you think if done like this，my dear buddy?

自娱自乐

原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-7-27 23:11:00 发表
Wrong oder of the line.
If they are dead or not no way to know.  
What do you think if done like this，my dear buddy?

Still not good enough in terms of perfect or full rhyme. Yeah, mayhaps it is okay if you call it 'eye rhyme', hehehe
Now -(nau)
Know -(nou)
Rhyme or not?
--------------------------------------
Well, I got an idea for your reference, but no idea if it works well for you or not?
Anyway, just give it a try for fun.

Now all apart my brothers and I go,
Yet alive or not nobody in the know.

情长

:strong:

自娱自乐

。。。

自娱自乐

戍鼓斷人行，邊秋一雁聲。


The travelling is cut off from where the battle drum goes on,
For this autumn at frontier only comes the wild geese’s song.

海外逸士

not bad.

自娱自乐

露從今夜白　月是故鄉明

From tonight the dews look increasingly white,
Yet in my homeland only the moon is still bright.