七绝两首咏月咏枫（同题翻译）

青衫来客

如果要是这样可能就不别扭了I still love the bank willow so tender in summer, 是不是？我看关键还是very的问题。I still treasure  the tender  bank willow in summer, 这样如何？

自娱自乐

岸柳 ---- bank willow / waterside willow / riverside willow

可以吗？it sounds a bit odd to me.

岸柳 = willows on / by the bank / waterside / riverside

自娱自乐

目前还未能查到能让人信服的例句。

青衫来客

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-10-11 13:12:00 发表
Just like tents of rosy clouds hanging on the horizon

hang low over / hang in th sky above

Hang on ---ok, for it also means 'to cling tightly to sth' as well as 'depend on'

Should it be 'clou......

"Hang " used here is an intransiver verb, for instance, "The curtains hang well on the window“ . As for 'on the horizon', it is a set phrase.

青衫来客

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-10-11 13:26:00 发表
岸柳 ---- bank willow / waterside willow / riverside willow

可以吗？it sounds a bit odd to me.

岸柳 = willows on / by the bank / waterside / riverside

Yes, I coined this phrase which origintes from he word ”willowbank“ which is the name of a famous war ship in a western country and I think riverside wilow is a better expression.

自娱自乐

'endear' means make dear to or beloved by, so 'love' is fine, otherwise it doesn 't make sense.

I am sure what I am doing won't terribly endear myself to you and people here. :P

自娱自乐

原帖由 周道模 于 2009-10-11 10:18:00 发表
汉诗自然、流畅，情景交融。用现时语写现代事，不像有些人食古不化。

英诗押韵我只有跟着学了。

“岸柳还怜夏日柔”读起来有两义：不注意就把岸柳当主语了。

周老师，能否请你说说那两义好吗？

自娱自乐

Well, inspired by Qingshan's nice version, I give it a try for fun as well.


岸柳还怜夏日柔，
征鸿已过碧山头。
今宵玉笛邀冰镜，
来照松花百里秋。


When tender willow by river is still loved in summer,
Wild geese have already flown over the green hill.
Tonight invite the cool moon over my jade flute will,
To brighten brimless autumn and the Songhua River.

青衫来客

原帖由 自娱自乐 于 2009-10-12 6:46:00 发表
Well, inspired by Qingshan's nice version, I give it a try for fun as well.


岸柳还怜夏日柔，
征鸿已过碧山头。
今宵玉笛邀冰镜，
来照松花百里秋。


When tender willow by river is still loved in summer,
Wild goeese have al

Well done，buddy. I like your version.

自娱自乐

hehehe, buddie, I don't think I can do it at all without your version, for I don't understand some of the allusions like 冰镜.

I couldn't come with a better one for 百里秋than yours. I am really grateful for your translation.