无心剑英译【秋思_马致远】

无心剑

    秋思
   
    Sorrow in Autumn
   
    马致远
   
    by Ma Zhiyuan
   
    枯藤老树昏鸦，
    小桥流水人家，
    古道西风瘦马。
    夕阳西下，
    断肠人在天涯。
   
    on the old tree entwined by withered vines perch dusky crows
    several cottages stand by the small bridge as the stream flows
    a bony horse walks on the ancient road as the west wind blows
    when the setting sun declines in the west
    the heartbroken traveller at the skyline still drifts without rest
   
    译于2009年11月6日。
   
    withered vines entwine the old tree where perch dusky crows
    cottages stand by a small bridge under which a stream flows
    a bony horse walks on the ancient road as the west wind blows
    beyond the western mountain the setting sun glows
    so far away from home, the sad traveller's nostalgia overgrows
   
    译于2009年11月7日。
   
    【自娱自乐译本】
   
    So dusky, crows on old trees entangled by withered vines,
    Several houses by a small bridge where a stream twines,
    Such a scrawny horse treks through the olden track lines.
    Slowly towards the western skyline the sun declines,
    Sorrowfully for home and family the wayfarer pines.

自娱自乐

中文是一韵到底，看来英文上也要如此才好。

自娱自乐

别具一格！
学习，欣赏。

无心剑

on the old tree entwined by withered vines perch dusky crows
several cottages stand by the small bridge as the stream flows
a bony horse walks on the ancient road as the west wind blows
beyond the western mountain the setting sun glows
the traveller still drifts at the skyline as homesickness overgrows

自娱自乐

Great! How about 'beyond western skyline ....glows, yet the traveller still drifts with sorrows."
heartbroken 的人肯定有sorrows, 换一句话说，有sorrows的人，也一定会heartbroken, hehehe

无心剑

谢谢自娱兄。我又改了一下，请提意见。

自娱自乐

the traveller still drifts at the skyline as homesickness overgrows
at the skyline the traveller‘s nostalgia overgrows ? (much more laconic)

无心剑

自娱兄，改得妙，谢谢，借用了。

自娱自乐

无心君才思敏捷，钦佩之至。

无心剑

自娱兄谬奖了。不过，跟你切磋，针尖对麦芒，真的感觉很痛快。与兄相识，此生有幸。