无心剑英译【秋思_马致远】

青衫来客

二位惺惺相惜，真是一段佳话。剑兄新作，大赏! 未句天涯用skyline是否妥当还请斟酌。

青衫来客

自娱兄何不跟上一篇，我明天也来献丑，今日风雅诗词值班。

自娱自乐

这首我以前试译过，但现在找不到了。

I am always very slack and sloppy, hehhee, not like wuxinjian,hehehe, so meticulous...

自娱自乐

http://www.fainfo.com/puton/lang/lang12/lang1232.htm
     
　　枯藤老树昏鸦，小桥流水人家，古道西风瘦马。夕阳西下，断肠人在天涯。

  　　枯藤缠绕着老树，树枝上栖息着黄昏时归巢的乌鸦，小桥下，流水潺潺，旁边有几户人家，在古老荒凉的道路上，秋风萧瑟，一匹疲惫的瘦马驮着我蹒跚前行。夕阳向西缓缓落下，悲伤断肠的人还漂泊在天涯。

无心剑

青衫兄，用skyline的确不太好，最后一句改为“so far away from home, the sad traveller's nostalgia overgrows”如何？

自娱自乐

on the old tree entwined by withered vines perch dusky crows

这一句，我可能会这样译，

Withered vines entwine old trees, on which perch dusky crows.

whi/ch - per/ch

vine - ent/wine

tree/s - crow/s

自娱自乐

several cottages stand by the small bridge as the stream flows

个人陋见，这一句的二个‘the' 似乎改为‘a‘ 比较好?

这个 ‘as' 在这表示什么呢？

stand 似乎也不需要？

Several cottages / households by a small bridge under which a stream flows?

Of course, two 'which' are no good at all, so can we say 'under where'? Would readers misinterpret it as 'under the houses'?

自娱自乐

原帖由 无心剑 于 2009-11-7 13:30:00 发表
青衫兄，用skyline的确不太好，最后一句改为“so far away from home, the sad traveller's nostalgia overgrows”如何？

how about ' keep drifting, the / a sad wayfarer's nostalgia ever grows'?

自娱自乐

原帖由 青衫来客 于 2009-11-7 13:15:00 发表
自娱兄何不跟上一篇，我明天也来献丑，今日风雅诗词值班。

Ok, I give it a quick try for fun...hehehe

So dusky, crows perch on old trees entangled by withered vines,
Several households nearby a small bridge where a stream twines,
Such a scrawny horse was treking through the olden track lines.
Slowly towards the western skyline the sun declines,
Sadly for home the wayfarer pines.

:P

自娱自乐

So dusky, crows on old trees entangled by withered vines,
Several houses by a small bridge where a stream twines,
Such a scrawny horse treks through the olden track lines.
Slowly towards the western skyline the sun declines,
Sadly, for home and family afar the wayfarer pines.